Great job on this piece. Sometimes no matter how hard we try our words aren't heard. It is like being invisible. Some people only see things their way and won't try to look at it differently.
Passionate. emotional. Sad.
...wow...I am left out of words..
Although capitalizing all the 1st letters of each single line is distracting and you need to review the punctuation but if this won. i give you credit.. It is worth it.
on my favs.
Great title..and a very effective ending
Perfect ! and before writing " perfect " i had my hands on keyboard for like 10 mins, and i couldn't find words worthy of this poem. i had never read something so beautiful. you are Great. and dont you think you should add a bottom line to this poem about " Rupee " as it is currency used in pakistan and india.. because many people dont know about it.
Congrats on the win. Gosh I totally love this piece. I love how you bring the rural streets of India to life and tell the story from a beggar's perspective. Yeah it's sad that some people can spend like thousands of dollars on branded goods but can't even spare some change for people who are in need.
Sourav! Old friend! What is this? I come back to this website after 2 year or so and your talent has just bloomed!! :) Well onto the poem....
Firstly what a wonderful topic to write about!! The rich looking down on the poor as if classand money mean more than the content of your soul!! Great choice. Thought provoking!
Your choice of title was nice simply because it is straight to the point - MONEY. Effective and sets the scene.
"My word is not reaching to you
It's getting feeble by your laughter & cheers
It gets lost by the chaos of this crazy world"
The first line draws the reader in instantly. Like, "wait is he talking to me?" Great way to attract the readers attention.
Immediately with this beginning the reader gets the sense of frustration. Almost impotence not being heard.
"Though I'm screaming in full throttle
But - it's not reaching to your heart
Because my words are so lonely and-
You're so lost in your own self, drowned in self obsession."
The essence of your poem is summarised here. I feel you're trying to say - unless I am important, worthy, you will not hear my pleas. Immediately you appeal to the reader's heart and humanity.
"You look so superficial there's no veracity on your face
You talk like someone else, behave like a living dead
You want more but unwilling to give a drop-
To the dying humanity;
And my words like a frail craft
I'm your intellectual property
You take my picture and move away
To practice your intellect -
You're such a sham, venal and unashamed."
This is so angry, I LOVE IT!! I almost want to memorise this verse with you and chant it at the condescending rich people who think their riches make them superior! It is a direct criticism to these people and your anger is sorely felt. Even though you do not use any religious imagery, I feel like there are religious undertones here. Probably because what springs to my mind is "love thy neighbour." Great verse.
"But someday when you're tired & alone
Uncomfortable in your comfort zone -
In your sleepless, ceaseless night
Remember, I only asked for a rupee from you
One rupee- for one bread -
Just to live one more day -
of my life."
Karma. I love it! Your ending leaves the reader feeling bleak and miserable. Not understanding why the rich couldnt spare just one rupee to save that person's life. Lift truly is unfair but karma forgets no action.
Great poem! 5/5 from me along with a wish that you are well! :)