Hi, I am happy I saw this poem nominated and apologize that maybe I wouldn't found it otherwise, I need to seek more writes and read such thoughtful poetry more!
"My nightingale sings of passing flesh,
which daily sought to find itself in lover's eyes,
to time, it seemed no less than transient,
but loving endless below immortal skies."
I like the fragile use of "nightingale", it seems this word as much more purpose than just using 'nocturnal' or 'songbird'- it gives it greater depth than just a bird journeying. Also, the possession of your own, and underlying the fact you have one, maybe arising from your own soul is mystifying yet haunts me. How we all have some lyrical voice inside.
Your rhyme scheme is so passionate here- it is delicate yet speaks of unmeasured love. "Immortal skies" has such a lifting ambiance.
"I find myself not waning to become,
nor lasting be, for I have never been,
this form has never loved beyond redeem,
nor loved to end, or ending to begin."
Great thought here- your structure was quite thought-provoking. First time reading it I thought the first line should have held some noun or adjective afterwards, but the idea and presence of just 'becoming' can ignite a whole life where individualism takes root.
Third line took a little thought, it was strange at first for me hearing "redeem" instead of "to redeem" or "redeemed". but you placed it so well still!
"I know no fair beyond these mortal eyes,
but thee I loved, au reste, forevermore,
no other pleasing face could gradually give
this heart eternal brio and rapport."
I looked up the French, really neat how you put that in so cleverly woven....I always find it refreshing when another language dips its own ink here.
"but thee I loved, besides, forevemore."
What a clear ring, if this translation is what you meant.
"brio and rappot"- flows beautifully an challenges my vocabulary! I also liked, if this is what it was, the inverted word order. How "eternal" played in.
- animation, spirit & mutualism in understanding.
A brilliant, original piece in itself that has its own soul.Thank you for sharing! God's blessings.
6 years ago
You have such an amazing way with your pen, there are lots of pieces of work i like but very few i love, this is a piece that i truely love, it almost "hugs" me as i read it, you have such an extraordinary gift. thankyou :-)