Comments : Armistice Under Siege

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    :D AMAZING< but you already heard this,
    the poem is really good bri. it's just worded in a very special way.

    I was fond of the Dream being alone as a 1st
    line (one word)
    jst sounded so damn good..

    I loved the spacing, and the punctuation, I was fond of the mmessage, and the feelings,
    and how
    you in an indirect way SET everything you want to say, and make the readers use their mind to get it!

    LOVES this type !

    Dream.
    Armistice has arrived,
    her beauty as pale as a fish.

    ^^^
    i was really fond of the
    pale as fish..line,
    I liked it a lot, as it can b interpreted in definitely different ways.

    Wage peace,

    ^
    wage peace was an amazing choice of words..seriously..

    decimate the outbreath
    of splendor, that we
    may look upon the vision
    of a smile.

    ^^^
    how deep?
    how profound, and how poetic..
    Briaannnaaa! loved the image of this
    part..so much

    Love boldly,
    swim in constellations
    of newly-born stars;

    ^^
    its just like breathtaking to think
    of the idea of love being so free that way...

    upon the tyrant throne
    sits Death, watching,
    laughing at thy grief
    oppression, that he
    may feast.

    ^^^
    there is some of irony in between the words u know ? and that makes the piece
    sooo enjoyable and not boring,
    not intended irony.. inevitable one,
    just perfect

    dancing to witness through silence;
    great miracles that dwindle.

    ^^
    great stanza, with so much depth,
    it wasnt ur fav. but was mine!
    I so loved it and the thougthts it held..
    amazing (for the time thousand LOL)

    I loved how u repeated amends..worked for the sake of the flow and impact:)
    and yes

    FOREVER

    BAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
    FIVE

  • 6 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Only thing I didn't like was the usage of 'thy', you didn't use this language anywhere else in the poem so I don't see it really fitting. Other than that, this was really well written, not a whole lot to say.

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    There were so many deeply intense imagery that came alive in this piece for me, the meaning of loving boldly to reach out and give miracles...everything was just expressed perfectly and the structure is unbreaking, it flows with purpose and a huge sense of impact. "wage peace" was soft yet a desire this world holds inside, you really connect with the reader here...

    Take care 5/5 for sure :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Congratulations Bri! So well deserved :)

    We are rooting for you here!

  • 6 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Congratz :) <3

  • 6 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Truly...
    Pure Poetry...

    for me,especially this :

    "Love boldly,
    swim in constellations
    of newly-born stars;"

    bravo all-around...from
    meaning to music...

  • 6 years ago

    by Kiko

    I've read this a number of times now, and I have to admit that I don't like it as much as the other winning poems this week. The reason is that some of the imagery is very confusing, which causes the overall message to be confusing.

    Poetic devices, like metaphors and similes, should help to illuminate the message, but some of these are so mysterious and cryptic, I'm not really sure what you are trying to say.

    I enjoy poetry that has a little mystery, but not so much that it leaves me confused and scratching my head.

  • 6 years ago

    by Shokry Al Qubati

    It's really nice :) keep it up.. 5/5

    Urs,
    Shokry