Comments : Abandonment

  • 7 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Your eyes mimicked the
    arrival of a full moon, who would
    sit in silver on a black sky
    that was too depressed to
    meet the sun.

    ^^ WOW WOW WOW...I can not wait til I reach the moment of brilliance like you and can come up with something so creative! Mel I LOVED this stanza! That was just amazing and too be honest very sad if you understand the tone in the poem and the personality of the character.

    While you were finding solace
    in sleeping,
    I was finding solace in wine.

    ^ I loved the wording in this! I especially loved that I relate so well to it! It reminds me of my broken hearted days where the man I love was enjoying sleep while I was doing just that, drinking alcohol to forget about him....sooooo relateable

    This poem was really sad, but just incredible! I love the wording in this entire piece honestly!

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I am so jealous of all your poems. I'm not sure how words even do justice.

    Vinaceous is definitely not a word I normally see but adored how you fit it in. The repetition was definitely effective as you mentioned 'wine' later on in the poem.

    'I saw white mice in your hair.'
    ^I have never heard of this before. I find so many creative lines in your poems and always have to go look beyond the poem for a deeper meaning. Does this mean that you will be afraid without any reason?

    'While you were finding solace
    in sleeping,
    I was finding solace in wine.'
    ^I loved this. Kind of like this other person is being distant and ignoring you possibly (abandoning you), & you have to find a way to cope with it.

    All I can say is at times I had to go above and beyond to find some of the meaning behind your words. I am always fascinated at what you come up with. There is so much more meaning hiding beneath your words, it makes your poems a million times more interesting. This was brilliant.

  • 7 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    I would change "salty plum." to "Sugary plum" I feel this would create better imagry for the reader as plums are more sweet than salty and it goes to show that just because something is sweet doesn't mean it is nice after all sweetness can be sickly.

    Other than that a great poem really well written

    5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by The Princess

    Congrats, Twin, a beautiful write with a wonderful imagery. do you ever write anything less?

  • 7 years ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    Wow, I can see why this won. I can honestly say I have not a clue what to say, but brilliant simply brilliant.
    Take care

  • 7 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    I'm catching up on all your old pieces,

    I'm loving it!