Comments : A place for my head.

  • 6 years ago

    by Xanthe

    I came across the part II first and I just had to read this too. I should say that I found the second part better. Shows you've grown and become better. But this one's really good too.

    "Looking for my exit, for my stop in life.
    I like how you wrote 'my exit'. Each person do have different exits..

    "I'm feeling torn.
    I find a door this must be my exit, if it's not
    I don't care."
    This part reminds me of people who are desperate to leave and escape this pain (die) that they commit suicide. And that is not their exit..

    "This is not where the answers to my
    question lye."

    "But at least I can rest my mind here, with a
    grateful sigh."
    I really like the ending. I think I also breathed a sigh of relief..

    Great piece 5/5 :) Definitely keep writing


  • 6 years ago

    by Jenn

    Thanks for your feed back! :)
    I should let you know in "Exit" I didn't mean suicide, I just meant mental exit. You know an escape from everything.

    I was speaking of depression and myself mentally withdrawing from everything, Shutting down.

  • 6 years ago

    by Max

    this is amazing i love how the title fits well the poem it self and the flow is gr8 too and the ending is as powerful as the rest of the poem and the way u were looking for the exit and didnt give up on the way and when u finally found it it wasnt what u were seeking for its just stunning every part of it
    5/5 keep on =)

  • 6 years ago

    by Veamm


    Superb. One of the best sad poems I ever read before.

    Not quite picture perfect, not so pretty inside.
    Still not completely smiling, still kinda lying, to myself.
    Not so bubbly, not like before.
    The world is crushing down on me
    I'm feeling sore.

    This stanza is a complete sadness. Depression might be a good word for it as well. Straight and direct to the point that you are feeling the pain.

    Not so crowded now, and there you stand.
    Still feels right but it is wrong, I must run again.
    I turn and make my leave, hoping you didn't see.
    Me cower... and flee.
    I'm feeling torn.

    This stanza is all about the "Trying to move on and run from the terribles things" Exceptional lines. Superb.

    Looking around there is nothing but black.
    Feeling peace inside, I start to relax.
    This wasn't the door I was looking for.
    This is not where the answers to my question lie.
    But at least I can rest my mind here, with a grateful sigh.

    The ending was the best part and best ending to end a sad poem in my opinion. From struggles to tranquility. Well played story. Good Job

    You are so talented.
    Keep on growing
    Keep on writing

    10 for me