This was an incredible, raw piece. I loved the complexity of your soul you created here- this masterpiece you have painted with faith, with faith in illusions that tear you away from reality each and every step. And then you aren't a child any more...it isn't that you are on the edge of something more real, but something growing...you aren't waiting...maturity strikes and shows you the errors engraved.
Powerful and remains thoughtful to the reader...those last lines were brilliantly written- with provoking doubt.
You spoke of maturity in this piece and you definitely showed your maturity throughout it. Honestly, I believe this is my favorite written from you. I know I say that often but you always surprise me with something new, something breathtaking. I don't know how many times I've told you that the tone within your poems is what draws me in. Such elegance behind the wording and at the same time I feel like you are pondering and I know you ponder everything you write about. You think big and dream big and that is what I adore about you. This poem spoke volumes and the way you think is inspirational to me.
I was particularly fond of the child in womb metaphor, and interesting choice because it showed the innocence you speak nicely. I also found it sweet the concept of stars shining only for you, that is such a child like nature and so when it was contrasted against you're maturity towards the end it allowed the reader to feel as though they had watched you grow.
I too am an illusionist in my mind and heart, so therefore I related to this was muchly. Thank you for sharing and they will love this piece and love you.
7 years ago
As I was reading this piece, different parts would jump out to me, and I'd say OH this is a stanza/bit I am going to copy/paste and highlight to Yaki to show her it was amazing, and why I liked it. But then I realized with almost every single stanza..I was saying that. So instead I will just say that each line and stanza made a special mark in my brain, and this moved me.
I love the essence of maturity here, how it goes to show that illusions are just that, illusions, and it's not exactly the best thing in the world if you want to remain naive. This poem is absolutely gorgeous writing. I love it!
That was pretty good i like the way the words flowed very good writing 5/5
7 years ago
Ahhhhh Finally something i desperately wanted to read. its been a few months i am experiencing this change of maturity. and nothing explain it more perfect and vividly than
breaking my heart
and fixing it at the same time.
this maturity broke and fixed me at the same time. i like the change but what hurts is that i am no more myself. i have started wearing a mask. i am fake with my friends, family and everyone. now i have to think before every step i take and every word i say. i am more sophisticated now but i dont enjoy stuff anymore. Fun is lost.. i wanna grow up once again :(
This piece is wonderful, I wasn't convinced by it with the first lines, but I was compelled to read more... you wrote it in the way that kept me interested and reading. I liked the way you worded your poem; it was simple and to the point. When I reached the middle I was surprised to see the turning point of how this poem (while stated in the present tense) changed to show how you were in your childhood and how you are now. That was a positive point, because that's what makes poems worth reading, that there is more to it than it's title or beginning. Many of us can relate to this poem, we've been through this transaction and you described it wonderfully. :) good luck.