First off, Together you created a piece of great penmanship.
I will say, I loved the use of the speech amidst each stanza, the flow was good, imagery was simple yet romantic, and the wording was again simple but effective.
6 years ago
Connie and Tony.. haha really rhymes :P
In my humble opinion, I think both of you have created a tightly structured piece with musicality, and oh, the flickering flames of candle-light just adds some flawless romantic spices to the scene. It's like a typical romantic movie where the person watching gets enticed, totally.
Wow! I'm speechless... this poem is sooo beautiful... you've both captured a lovely romantic moment, that will make any heart melt. This is a beautiful and well-written collaboration! It was so cohesive and nicely done! Amazing! Great job! =D
Amazing collab. Very tough to take it as a collab, all stanzas merged into each other so well that its hard to believe of 2 people being involved. Beautifully written and the theme was just so 'awww' :)
Connie & Tony: Truly, a very romantic poem capturing the beauty of such a night, a dream for each lover to build castles on one day, to enact the promises and pledges to fruition, one day. A truly touching and joyous poem to melt all those longing hearts in love.
The punch lines after each stanza are beautiful....each holding a promise of a new tomorrow, for lovers to fulfiill...
'I love you'
'Will you marry me?'
"I've waited so long"
"I love you"
My only comments (from this readers point of view only).......
The first punch line could be
"Ours forever" (implying the intended plurality in a proposal)
Similarly, the last punch line should be "Forever ours" (a word play to reflect the pledge in the ring).
And perhaps a minor word play
"The candle flames seems to spark"
instead of "The candles flame seems to spark"
A very heartwarming verse to warm the hearts and minds of true lovers. A truly exotic write. 5/5