Comments : With this ring( Collab with Tony)

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    First off, Together you created a piece of great penmanship.
    I will say, I loved the use of the speech amidst each stanza, the flow was good, imagery was simple yet romantic, and the wording was again simple but effective.
    xxxxxx

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Connie and Tony.. haha really rhymes :P

    In my humble opinion, I think both of you have created a tightly structured piece with musicality, and oh, the flickering flames of candle-light just adds some flawless romantic spices to the scene. It's like a typical romantic movie where the person watching gets enticed, totally.

    Amazing job both of you. Great.

  • 6 years ago

    by believeinlove87

    Amazing(:

    You guys did a great job. You can see it playing out in your head, as you ask her to marry you & placing the ring on her finger.

    5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    Thank you so much for giving me the chance to write with you i love your work and glad im part of one :D

    Tony
    xxxx

  • 6 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Well done indeed. It was an easy transition from one stanza to the next. Brilliantly done with feeling. Looking forward to another from you two

  • 6 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow! I'm speechless... this poem is sooo beautiful... you've both captured a lovely romantic moment, that will make any heart melt. This is a beautiful and well-written collaboration! It was so cohesive and nicely done! Amazing! Great job! =D

  • 6 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    Amazing collab. Very tough to take it as a collab, all stanzas merged into each other so well that its hard to believe of 2 people being involved. Beautifully written and the theme was just so 'awww' :)

    all the best and take care

  • 6 years ago

    by Exostosis

    This piece, is pretty much self explained.

    A proposal from one to the significant another. He promises his love with a ring. With a ring, for it is circular, neither a beginning nor an end, a continuum, just like his love eternal, for her.

    The later stanzas describe how she feels, those four words that make it harder for her to breath, the butterflies in her belly, etc.

    The bond of relationship growing stronger, sprinkled upon with tender love and gentle care, forever to linger within the two love birds, free to soar the crescent skies.

    Very written, brilliant collaboration. The theme pretty much invokes the hope for love, buried deep within the readers.

  • 6 years ago

    by Exostosis

    ^ Very well written.

    My bad :P

  • 6 years ago

    by Ole Carsten

    Interesting poem, I like it

  • 6 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Connie & Tony: Truly, a very romantic poem capturing the beauty of such a night, a dream for each lover to build castles on one day, to enact the promises and pledges to fruition, one day. A truly touching and joyous poem to melt all those longing hearts in love.

    The punch lines after each stanza are beautiful....each holding a promise of a new tomorrow, for lovers to fulfiill...

    'Our forever'

    'I love you'

    'Will you marry me?'

    "I've waited so long"

    "I love you"

    "Our forever"

    My only comments (from this readers point of view only).......

    The first punch line could be
    "Ours forever" (implying the intended plurality in a proposal)
    Similarly, the last punch line should be "Forever ours" (a word play to reflect the pledge in the ring).

    And perhaps a minor word play
    "The candle flames seems to spark"
    instead of "The candles flame seems to spark"

    A very heartwarming verse to warm the hearts and minds of true lovers. A truly exotic write. 5/5

  • 6 years ago

    by The Queen

    I think you both did a good job here with harmonious lines of consistent meter and stressed. I love it, such a sweet poems! I agree, you two should do this often!

  • 6 years ago

    by NightFlyer

    Beautiful collaboration here. The stanzas really paint the picture of this romantic moment mingled with the quoted lines that add to the emotion. Well done!

  • 6 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Nice collab. I like the format with the phrases between the verses. Very touching and sweet poem.

  • 6 years ago

    by Liliana

    Great job you two, I cannot say who wrote what and the choice of words was beautifully chosen :)