Comments : Bitten Without Pleasure (Tanka)

  • 5 years ago

    by Meme

    I love Tanka's, this form really shows the writers ability to convey a point or a thought by using the principle that less is more.

    Back to your poem, yes I think I know how that feels exactly, being taken for granted, as if whatever you say has no effect on the person standing infront of you.

    This really piece implies that you were misunderstood, but you delievered it in such a clever way.

    Good job sweetie :)

    Edit:
    A suggestion though on the title.
    "Bitten, With No Pleasure"

    Or just leave it as it is :)

  • 5 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    A very deep thoughtful poem. We are often ignored or not listened too, words are just noise and nothing more..
    Communication means everything and listening is part of it.

    great theme and well placed format..

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    OMG I suck at tankas but your word choice here is so very unique, the structure is somehow easy but not when applying it! I cant believe you managed to write a tanka with sucha flow and with such depth!

    loved each single line, the choice of your wordds is so perfect and nailed.

    title, VERY eye catchy!
    I hate the feeling you were expressing, it hurts me the most, along with being used!.

    BEAUTIFUL sadness! or "bitterness"

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    This is lovely, i like the way you conveyed the message in a simple but ordered manner. The whole theme portrays unwillingness from an ingrate who's selfish, and doesn't regard anyones affections, toiling with their mind thus hurting them. A thoughtful piece, very short but entailing strong ideas. Keep them coming. Blessings :).

  • 5 years ago

    by Decayed

    This is a tanka which I wouldn't have felt that it is a formed poetry... it went smoothly. lovely, Sarah.

  • Wow, hun. This is an awesome style and as usual, you did an amazing job that just fit.
    5/5
    -Heather

  • 5 years ago

    by Ronel McCarthy

    Very meaningful tanka

  • 5 years ago

    by Lifeless Doll

    I love this, it's so powerful, there's so much meaning in this little poem, very well constructed, keep it up :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Steven Croat

    Short and solid...well written poem!I loved it!

    Steven

  • 5 years ago

    by andy

    Wow best write i have read today was well written and very meaningful can relate to this poem very much sometimes sucks to be in a relationship when ya thoughts dont get herd lol

  • 5 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    God dam it that it awesome!!!!

    Seriously your word choice was just perfect :-)

    Im a big lover of tbe tanka style and this was wicked, Really strong almost challenging vibe to this piece, great flow just fantastic :-)))

  • 5 years ago

    by Steven Beesley

    A short piece, but you managed to preform what would be a demanding task for the form, the words pack a punch and were very strong.

    A well written Tanka!

  • I love this poem. This is why:

    Firstly, for such a short piece, you have written something with such a powerful meaning.

    Secondly, your word choice is perfect. In writing, word choice is like king. Words like 'aggressively' and 'meaningless' add such power and emotion to this short piece of writing. Made it all that more enjoyable and relatable.

    Thirdly, the emotion. This links to both my comments above, but you have expressed yourself perfectly with this piece that I thought it needed to be mentioned by itself specifically.

    Overall;
    Everyone deserves to be heard, and here you have truly been heard loud and clear.
    Well done, Sarah. 5/5

  • 4 years ago

    by Khalid

    I like the expression of "chewing up words"... it gives an impression having fun with heard words. The use of words like "swallow", "taste" and "aggressively" reveals that the authors compares writing and hearing words and thoughts with process of having a meal. This is great resemblance. The aggressive behavior led to the end of finding nothing to say and hence to the stage of finding no pleasure. The title fits in place with the poem content.
    -----------
    Overall:
    I loved the word and form choice. It gave a unique type of writing poems.
    Thank you for sharing this poem.

  • 4 years ago

    by ThebutterfliesMuse

    I love this poem a lot as it is true. The metaphor iherd is off the chart. This person stole your heart and gave it back to you into a million peices. You just used words instead of heart. But this truly is a great sad write. 5