Comments : Things I do not have

  • 5 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    There is so much here that I love, This piece was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous poetry.

    The scent of jasmine in a rush;
    the sun gleaming heat
    on my high cheek bones
    as I breach at noon
    to meet my lover by the lost garden
    in a secret place where
    we must've met
    not a minute too soon.

    ^^The rhymes here were so smooth, and everything just sounded so beautiful and romantic, that really set the scene for me, breathtaking.

    The ripples in a pond
    reflect our beaming faces
    and honey tinted skin;
    teeth white as teddy bear clouds
    before your sudden embrace
    full of that wretched promise
    never to break one,
    because we never had one.

    ^^What awesome imagery here, WOW, my only critique is the repetition of "one" in the last two lines, it sort of made the flow a bit rocky, but WOW, the imagery is so vivid.

    Teeth as white as teddy bear clouds
    ^^^
    how unique and original!!

    The bridge over the river basks;
    wild flowers bloom,
    kissing blue still waters
    and dragonflies are gleaming
    against cool wet grass;
    new dandelions are aplenty,
    but we dare not blow them,
    for wishes are for fools in love.

    ^^^Another breathtaking stanza, I am loving this imagery, it is so refreshing and such beautiful words

    The night air whisks me awake;
    a hollow wind blows in
    to brush my brow and gently
    remind of things I do not have -
    dreaming quietly by day
    in shapes I form myself,
    and by night to break a heart
    I thought I had forgotten.

    ^^^What an ending, I loved that you are saying that all you have is enough and you are happy with what you have, but the things you do not have remind you that there is much to gain.

    Beautifully written, such amazing imagery and just WOW

    xxxxx

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Miss yane has a win cooking mense!
    and it smellsss gooood!

    this is far too beautiful for a long
    comment....

    God,

    "new dandelions are aplenty,
    but we dare not blow them,
    for wishes are for fools in love."

    lflkhghgjhdfgjkfjhgkjfhgjhkgfhgkjhkjgh

    I want to get all cheeky and say something silly.

    But I really have no words this time,
    I'm like in a trance....

    wow, Jane.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    Yessss! :)

  • 5 years ago

    by Karla

    Beautiful.

  • 5 years ago

    by Britt

    Comment from judging:

    One of my favorite aspects of Janes poetry is the way she gets into the nitty gritty details as though she is rolling up her sleeves to paint the most beautiful picture her mind possibly can. Her words flow out in love so easily with such beauty, it's hard to put to words how the poems make me feel. I get so lost in the imagery and descriptive nature that I often feel as though I'm right there with her. The message behind it makes me feel 2 things - those who refuse to have a commitment and just bask in the love of one another, and those who tip toe in an affair - while their love and promise is to another, the passion is elsewhere. The poem is too beautiful to make me feel like it's about a sex fling, there is so much more. Beautiful words.

  • 5 years ago

    by Darren

    Hi silvershoes

    We came up with a crazy idea (free spirits) to record our reviews, so here is yours

    http://vocaroo.com/i/s0QFrnOE0CHO

    I love this poem, great job

    • 5 years ago

      by silvershoes

      Very cool! And thanks. Truly appreciate the thoughtfulness and time you put in.