The sun has been residing
within my mind this season
this stanza to me is very positive
I see happiness and a clear mind

days are growing older
nights don't seem to end

this reminds me of me, being depressed
living iin the dark, that is why the nights
seem forever

as I watched you
carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion, bubbling inside

This stanza did it to me
it is an eye opener, certain things are
just not cureable

awesome write

You have 2 new poems and I promise I'll read and comment right away but... I am too happy to relate, sorry! :P Really awesome writes. Will be here again soon.

Very expressive piece of sorrowful poems. You're brilliant Xanthe. I enjoyed the flow. Oh your name reminded me when I was trying to write an alphabet poem searching for words that start with 'X' and OMG this was so difficult lol. Thank you.

"The sun has been residing
within my mind this season.
Days are growing colder,
nights don't seem to end."
^A wonderful start, it gives a feeling of melancholy. That depression just keeps seeping in taking away the sunshine.

"You look at me with the
same smile; I see coffee
seething within your eyes,
trying to bring comfort."
^I really love the line coffee seething within your eyes. I hate the taste of coffee yet I love the smell...and the smell always brings comfort to me.

"But it seems change has taken
over where your eyes used to be."
^You've noticed the change in that person, that something dark maybe has overcome them? You no longer feel like you know this person.

"I tried to find repose underneath
chartreuse blankets you covered
me with; reclining deeper into
cushions, thinking I'd be safer
and farther that way, as I watched
you carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion bubbling

inside."
^No matter how deep you sunk trying to feel comfortable around them, you couldn't. You could see what they were about to do, who they truly were...and you couldn't do nothing about it.

"For the first time, I realize
I'm begging for sleep to come-
if only to escape from this dream."
^You realize that you would rather be dead than keep dealing with the reality of sadness.

"(I never asked you to cure me.)"
^This line done it for me, I love it! A great ending to a wonderful piece!

I doubt I interpreted any of this right, I feel like I hardly ever do lol. This is a fantastic write, Xanthe. I'm always excited to read your work. :)

For the first time, I realize
I'm begging for sleep to come-
if only to escape from this dream.

This stanza did it for me.. I thought it was written for me lol.. this reminded of inception a dream within a dream and towards the end not knowing if it is a dream or not. :-s

Its really an amazing piece, the way you wrote was awesome, great job:)

Way to go, Xanthe.

You always nail it, and I always like your writes :)

Yaaaa, I loved this one and I think this is the one I voted for in the challenge.

Amazing piece.

The sun has been residing
within my mind this season.
Days are growing colder,
nights don't seem to end.

- great opening because you drew me in with the fact I could relate to the emotion you have set. such loneliness and a depression and it makes me want to know why. Also you have opened in a very fast flow which is easy to read and makes you flow quickly to the following stanza.

You look at me with the
same smile; I see coffee
seething within your eyes,
trying to bring comfort.

- again you have kept the flow. You can clearly picture the look you are describing from this other person and you begin to wonder about what the relationship between you both is.

But it seems change has taken
over where your eyes used to be.

- I have never heard these lines before and I think it is something so many of us could say about someone else.

I tried to find repose underneath
chartreuse blankets you covered
me with; reclining deeper into
cushions, thinking I'd be safer
and farther that way, as I watched
you carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion bubbling

inside.

- oh, this makes it very interesting by adding the potion in. Very good choice. I would suggest you change the word 'carry' to carried because you have wrote this scene in the past tense and not the present.

For the first time, I realize
I'm begging for sleep to come-
if only to escape from this dream.

- such a desperate feeling of which I am sure many can relate to. Good strong way to close the poem.

(I never asked you to cure me.)

- Loved this extra line added onto the end, brings such a powerful effect to end the poem with and I think this will be the line that sticks with me.

Great work.

Cool! ;D

I absolutely love this! The first stanza was my fav. I love the idea that darkness has taken over that you never get to see the light.

Awesome peom!

x

Xanthe,

I love the whole concept of this, I love how you always take a challenge and make it morph into something pure and raw. I have to admit that I can't do this. I always write silly, pointless poery when I'm challenged.
-.- Seriously, share some talent.
That being said, I have some criticism here and there. Only because I think this is a brilliant piece.

The sun has been residing
within my mind this season.
Days are growing colder,
nights don't seem to end.

'You look at me with the
same smile; I see coffee
seething within your eyes,
trying to bring comfort.'
^I love what you have here. Simple wording, deep image and a simile in-between. Creative but the wrong use of punctuation and pronouns just blew me off.
Check out this edited one:
'You look at me with the
same smile - coffee
seething within your eyes
for comfort.'
I feel you could avoid some fillers this way and it flows much better. What think ye?
I love the word 'coffee', the sound of it is damn sexy. Haha.

'I tried to find repose underneath
chartreuse blankets you covered
me with; reclining deeper into
cushions, thinking I'd be safer
and farther that way, as I watched
you carry a bottle of what seemed
like some witch's potion bubbling

inside.'

My fav here.
But punctuation is my pet peeve and it's killing me. Ah. Too many commas and I stopped every moment I feel.
I would drop the 'you coevered me with'. I'm sorry if this poem is personal to you and I'm chopping it to stanzas and criticize it. Just tell me and I'll edit my comment. :)
I love the use of bottles. You've been using this word so much recently. Everytime in a different way and to serve a different meaning. I love you.
And the witch potion bubbling is creepy, eerie and original.

You keep writing, cutie pie. :)