Beneath the forgotten roses

by The Poet Behind The Poems   Aug 2, 2012


As I walk through the grey mist of night
I come across a bed of roses,
brittle with a dark essence.

Each one slowly crumbling to the rough earth,
below, as I look up I see
an old grey stone.

I lift my frost bitten hands and wipe away
the years of decay; my eyes open wide
to a small engravment -

RIP

Was killed by hanging for the murder of
thirty four women on 2 August 1912

Here lies Dave Thompson Jr.

As I read the name, my life flashes before
my eyes; it's been one hundred years
since I killed them.

Tomorrow my grave will be gone,

but no one will ever forget the horror,
that lives beneath
the forgotten roses

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  • 4 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    Is this a poem about a serial killer? Wow...this is seriously interesting. And what's even more interesting is how old the date on the grave is. It's like an old-timey serial killer, so it's very thought provoking. What methods of killing did he have? How did he rid the scenes of evidence? The fingerprint systems, I'm sure, were not yet in use - and he evaded easily. Did he stalk the victims? Did he hurt their families? If you crafted this person - brilliant. If not, still brilliant.

    "As I read the name, my life flashes before
    my eyes; it's been one hundred years
    since I killed them."

    Either this person is a reincarnation of him or the serial killer's spirit. This is truly a twisted poem. And it's freaking cool. Write more of these.

  • As I walk through the grey mist of night
    I come across a bed of roses,
    brittle with a dark essence.

    ^^
    This first stanza really sets the scene. Makes the reader feel as if they're actually there with you or is actually the person walking through. A great scene - desribed in detail.

    Each one slowly crumbling to the rough earth,
    below, as I look up I see
    an old grey stone.

    ^^
    In my mind I can see the roses: wilted and brown-black with decay.. crisp to touch, crumbling to dust at the slightest vibration or movement.

    I lift my frost bitten hands and wipe away
    the years of decay; my eyes open wide
    to a small engravment -

    ^^
    'frost bitten hands' - so the setting is winter I take it? It somewhat adds to the eerie, imposing feel of the piece. Just adds detail to the scene.

    RIP

    Was killed by hanging for the murder of
    thirty four women on 2 August 1912

    Here lies Dave Thompson Jr.

    ^^
    This one stanza adds volumes of dark emotion to the piece. Anything with the word 'murder' in it would do that I suppose. Nicely arranged here.

    As I read the name, my life flashes before
    my eyes; it's been one hundred years
    since I killed them.

    ^^
    Are you implying that you were the executioner? Or perhaps an angered citizen avenging the death of a family member or friend..? This makes me think that you yourself aren't alive - perhaps a ghost? - because you would be over 100years old!!

    Tomorrow my grave will be gone,

    ^^
    So you are the murderer? And you have committed suicide? or am I reading into this all wrong?!
    'my grave will be gone' - is the cemetery being relocated or just simply demolished for construction..? What am I saying, that's not even important here!

    but no one will ever forget the horror,
    that lives beneath
    the forgotten roses

    ^^
    'the forgotten roses' - I love this line. It speaks volumes. So much power behind those words and much emotion too.
    The very reason I was drawn to the poem in the first instance.

    Overall;
    A very dark piece, but a really enjoyable one. (:
    I love that there were so many elements to this piece. There was a depth that I didn't expect there to be.

    No critiques. I love it as it is.

    Brilliant write. 5/5

    Comment revised:

    'As I read the name, my life flashes before
    my eyes; it's been one hundred years
    since I killed them.'

    ^^
    I misread this when I was first analysing it. I thought you had written 'since I killed HIM' not 'them' -- quite a different meaning.
    My bad.

    The following line makes all the more sense now. lol

    Either way it was an unexpected twist.

  • 5 years ago

    by Aaron

    Had to look up this Dave Thompson Jr. character and I found nothing so, I'm assuming he's not real. Not a fan of "dark poems" but this one was good. Had a very good opener, and a good closing stanza as well.

    The imagery was brilliant giving it that dark kind of feel and the poem flowed very nicely, great piece.

  • 5 years ago

    by Axelle

    So...is Dave Thompson Jr. a real person? Last time you mentioned a serial killer in your poem, you said that he wasn't real so I am just curious again ^.^

    I like the way that you do these dark poems, Tony. It makes me have chill up and down my spine because things like this do happen - some are more brutal than others.

    Typos: There is only one that I can see in this poem - third stanza, first line, 'frost bitten' is supposed to be one word, 'frostbitten.'

    As I read the ending, I never expected that :/ but that makes it all the more creepier. More chills...even though I am glad that this isn't true, Tony! Very powerful images here.

    Excellent
    5/5

    ~S

  • 5 years ago

    by Meme

    First of all, I love the title, and the idea of forgotton roses all abandoned is capturing and it shows a great deal of sadness although the piece itself is all dark.

    And I am wondering as well, is Dave Thompson Jr real?
    If ot, then zi think that your amazing storytelling skills had convinved me that he actually was here 100 years ago.

    Wonderful and interesting piece Tony :-)

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