Comments : The route of the teardrop

  • 5 years ago

    by Darren

    Another example of why you are the poet us ravens all look up to. A fanstic piece.

    • 5 years ago

      by Karla

      Thanks Darren.Your comment honours me. All Ravens are incredible.I love my family!

  • 5 years ago

    by Rebecca Davies

    You are brilliant!!

  • 5 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    This is a very special piece, I know you always write from the bottom of your heart. But here I love the tricky side which needed your mind powers as much as your hearts passion.

    It was very refreshing, I love this quotation, I agree with its concept.

    And here you have delivered a very very beautiful message in a very very beautiful poem.

    I love the opening lines, it was not quiet clear how you are going with this piece, the woman character represents most of us I think, and definitely the part of your quotation about those who wont understand unless they were in somoeone elses shoes.

    I love this part too:

    now that she understands Hesse.

    ^
    what a way to end it, you could have ended it in a very uncreative way, but you chose to use the last name...I mean how original and creative of you Karla...

    this is a very beautiful piece, it's where my 3rd nomination is going!

    I was also fond of this part:

    She needs to write a poem,
    and another, and another
    ^
    as if, now she realizes that it's somehow endless, and she can trully understand how it feels, so the repetition of anf another was really a great attempt.

    I appreciate your work, I appreciate this piece! 5/good luck in the weekly contest.

  • 5 years ago

    by Xanthe

    Karla-
    I've read this over and over again, and I still don't know how to tell you how much I adore this piece. You are brilliant.

    I love the title; it's so unique. It may also be like changing time.. impossible.
    I had to search for who Master Hilarion is. And only then did I made sense of the green light and everything.
    'cortisone dreams' is sooo creative and poetic. I love that.

    The way you wrote:
    "ifshecouldifshecould"

    was simply breathtaking. Instead of using ellipsis or something. It's very unique and original, and these seemingly small details are what makes your poetry memorable and why I love your work so much.

    "Somebody turns on the light, please."
    ^
    I think turns should be turn?

    Amazing ending.

    Perfect.. Never stop writing.

  • 5 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    Excellent!!

  • 5 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is amazing, I will add this to my favourites. The title is very eye catching itself and then the poem is not disappointing at all.

    I found this poem very unique in not the topic but the way you have worded and out it together. It is also very interesting as this poem requires a slight bit of research which is challenging for the reader but something I enjoy doing and I think it just adds more uniqueness to the poem. It also makes me aware of more things and people.

    I also thought this poem had a background beat to it, like I could hear it being made into a song with a chorus in the background, certain bits echo like
    ifshecouldifshecould,
    not for herself,
    never for herself
    but flowers cry,
    but poetry dies,
    but life scares us

    I really liked this and praise you for showing such talent. Great work.

  • 5 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    I replace your crown with one of gold for you get better with each write. Excellent
    TJ

  • No one can see and understand anything in someone else that he has not experienced in himself.
    Herman Hesse

    ^^
    This quote - fantastic, and so utterly true.

    The route of the teardrop

    ^^
    Love this title; it's really eye-catching and then it doesn't give the content of the poem away. Perfect!

    When she was lying there,
    she could only think about Master Hilarion
    and his green healing light.
    Her open eyes dilated a bit when
    her heart ran to embrace that wounded body
    covered with cortisone dreams.
    (and she doesn't know what to do anymore
    or where she should go to reap the right answers.
    ifshecouldifshecould)

    ^^
    This is such an interesting first stanza.
    The reader must research certain aspects to understand the piece - definitely makes an active reader! But at the same time, it could also be a flaw. Some readers are lazy unfortunately and won't take the time to look up what they don't know - some will give up on the piece completely. Just something to keep it mind. Personally, I loved it. Love learning new things.
    I love love love the last line to this stanza!
    To me it's as if it's being spoken really fast and therefore spaces aren't discernible. I like it. (:

    The sound deafened her a bit
    as she scanned the moment
    for a tomorrow, for a maybe.
    It was a dizzy intravenous instant
    of solitude and anguish.
    (she is not thinking about herself,
    she is thinking about lulling words,
    protecting jasmines
    and...
    What to tell her when the scales speak?)

    ^^
    I love the third line:
    "for a tomorrow, for a maybe"
    It's my favourite line of the poem.
    To my understanding this suggests an uncertain future, as all futures are, but this person is searching for the answers, something more concrete to work on.
    "scales" - what first comes to mind is a set of scales in a bathroom, like you're suggesting her weight is deterioriating because of the situation. But then I think of scales as stakes - some big occurrence could tip the scales, leaving everything either broken or repaired..?

    If she could change the route
    of the teardrop for one second.
    If she could.
    (not for herself, never for herself
    but flowers cry, but poetry dies,
    but life scares us)

    ^^
    This is my favourite stanza.
    We are always fighting for something we believe in, except ourselves.
    'but flowers cry' - I love how you personified flowers here.

    Somebody turn on the light, please.
    She needs to write a poem,
    and another, and another
    now that she understands Hesse.

    ^^
    I really like this ending.
    To me it's as though, because she understands the abov quote, she can write more freely with more knowledge and understanding of the topics.
    _______________________________

    OVERALL;
    A very unique piece. I like your word choice, it made it seem almost dream-like. Also I like your choice of format - it was quite unique with the bracketed lines at the end of each stanza. Like these words were somebody elses observations or perhaps only within her mind which, to me, sounded scattered yet under control - like too many thoughts to express.

    I like how you added the quote at the top.
    To me this further signifies that only the poet can truly know the meaning behind their poems, unless the reader has shared similar memories.

    A really unique piece. 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Decayed

    What a poem!! It's like a play script.... your poems always remind me of theaters because they have this soul.. those emotions... and leakage... I love the style and the content..

    (ifshecouldifshecould) is an amazing touch....

    and the last stanza was a BOMB!!!!!!!!

    Dramatic, but not overdone. Well-Done!

    I could interpret this in many ways......... I honestly do not know what's the story so well, but I could imagine.

    Excellent!

  • 5 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    I read this over and over what a smart piece and the tittle drew me in from the start

    This is a pure example of a gifted talent

    Favs and a nomination

    Awesome

    ( I'm too late to nominate ) :(

  • 5 years ago

    by average thoughts

    I think d way u start wid a quote of herman's and d way u ended up sayin dat nw u undrstnd, provin it true.

    Evn i can undrstnd y u mentioned master hilarion and d soothin effect of his green light..coz she is seeing it during d observation..

    Then thr is a moment wen her eyes puttin up a fight agnst effect of cortiosone..
    Bt at d same time her hrt is thinking wat to do ,if sumthin go wrng..and dis line undr parentheis is like
    (ifshecudifshecud)
    Her hrtbeat is movin so fast..skippin beats..no place lft nw to think in brief.

    Then, if i am nt wrng ..this sound u mentioned which deafened her may be d answers she is seekin for a tomorow or a may be..
    She said may be ..coz she isnt sure there wil be a 2mrw or nt?

    And goin thru al those mental and physical pains she stil nt thinkin abt herslf ..she is thinking abt her only flower jasmine..and though she is in no way to protect her bt stil she wants to do dat, say lullin words to her.
    And abv of al wht or hw to say her, wen d scales speak?
    Wen it wil be decided, wen d results wil cum out?
    Wat if they r on d positive side of d scale?

    And goin thru al this brought a tear to her eyes.
    She Wish she cud change its route..bt she cant..
    Changin its route also implies to me to change d cause, d rsn ,d fears..which brought dis tear..

    And if she cant, flowers cry..here agn flowers mean d one whom she luvs and they luv her too.

    And in al these fears she jus want smone to wake her up..so dat she can write few more poems..like she wants to live more ,and more and more..coz her strength lies in poetry..