Comments : Let It Be Me (Chained Tanka)

  • 6 years ago

    by One Man Clan

    You come with amazing poetry that soothes the mind
    Bravo

  • 6 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Meme, This piece can be interpreted in many ways, I felt that you were talking to someone that you love, asking them to choose you...Maybe I am wrong, because I can also see you are writing about life, asking it to choose you to be it's receiver, you want to be seen and loved by life, you want to love life yourself.

    I don't know, maybe I am putting myself into the poem too much, but this piece is still very well crafted, penned with talent and creativity, beautiful

  • 6 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Your first stanza meme, oh my gosh how I could relate. I could feel this frustration in your tone of voice, and disappointment,

    Your second stanza saddens me because it makes me think hard. Makes me sad when people were once our motivation and our inspiration and our reason for moving forward in life, and then they leave, or fail us. :/ been here all the way.

    Third stanza, "unhook your words", I loved that! I don't see unhook used often in poetry so it was somehwat refreshing to read that,

    You did amazing with this tanka! :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Boy

    The beauty of your poem makes me feel relaxed but sometimes sad alot. This poem relates to me. It makes me remember about so many things in life. My friend may you live long and happy always.

  • 6 years ago

    by BlueJay

    You stitched words and paved
    lines with your silence. Took one
    more step and hugged me
    with million questions. Then left
    me to walk the line alone.

    ^^ This stanza pulled me into this piece with such ease and such beauty. I love it. Its an excellent beginning.

    How can I walk through
    without you when you were the
    strength wrapped around my
    being. And the reason that
    kept my steps going forward.

    ^^ I love this. I love the description and the emotion within this stanza. I love how much it tells without saying anything at all of pure bluntness.

    Unhook your words and
    break the silence surrounding
    you. Have the answers
    find their way back to you. Let
    it be me ... Let it be me

    ^^ This is amazing. I love that is shows your power and your will and your new found strength. I love how this is the ending.

    The word choice is fantastic. Your emotion is oozing and marvelous for lack of a better word. I absolutely love, love, love the expression. The metaphors painting the story here. I adore your power with the simplicity and shortness of such a piece. Fabulous job.

  • 6 years ago

    by Decayed

    Way to go. It's amazing.

  • 6 years ago

    by Britt

    I love that you did a chain tanka and it didn't even seem like it. Typically you feel a bit "off" when reading chained forms because it doesn't always work, but this definitely did.

    This poem is absolutely beautiful, and it made me feel quite a bit of different, mixed emotions. I love the first stanza and how absolutely strong it is here. Then going throughout the poem all the questions you have, rhetorical or expectant - either way it makes for gorgeous, heart wrenching questions/poetry.

    The only thing I suggest is eliminating two of your fulls stops.. it seemed a little odd and I had to go back and read again in the way you intended...

    1. with million questions. Then left
    2. being. And the reason that

    just those two spots, I would eliminate 1 with a comma and the second you could take the period out and un-capitalize and, and it would work great. Just a few little technical things my brain stumbled over :)

    This poem really is beautiful!

  • 6 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I too wouldn't have noticed this was a chained tanka when reading, the poem has a lovely flow.

    "and hugged me
    with million questions, then left"

    ^I really like this, I've had that feeling before of a hug that felt wrong and so right at the same time. It's almost as though you feel wrong leaving because things aren't answered, you don't know where you stand or what's happening and it's actually quite emotional.

    Just a small little thing, perhaps you could add a full stop at the end of the entire poem. I noticed you used punctuation throughout and also ended the 1st and 2nd stanza like that so I think you maybe just forgot it?

    Nice poem
    Mel

  • 6 years ago

    by Nema

    I haven't been commenting that much these days, but I really had to comment here..

    "You stitched words and paved
    lines with your silence."
    ^
    Amazing opening, seriously. I love it. I was confused first what you meant, that the person embraced silence or words. Quite poetic. Amazing again.

    "How can I walk through
    without you when you were the
    strength wrapped around my
    being and the reason that
    kept my steps going forward."
    ^
    I kind of first thought you'd write "string" not "strength", since you used stitches with words and silence. I still like strength though :)

    Okay, I really love this poem I think I'll add it to my favorites. Believe me, I've tried to write about silence and words a hundred times until I thought my writings has become trite, but I think you wrote this for me, to me, you name it. Thank you.

    It's funny how writers almost all the time have a love-hate relationship with words. A paradox that always stunned me.

    Great write!

    P.S Forgive me to ask what a Chained Tanka is? I'm ignorant here :/

    Shine on~ :)

    • 6 years ago

      by Meme

      Thanks a lot for the comment :)

      Chained Tanka is more than one Tanka in the same poem. Its not a formal name for a certain form, rather a name a lot of writers give when they have multiple verses of the same form in one poem.

  • 6 years ago

    by Nema

    Okay, I still think it's beautiful, more now actually. I'll read it again to understand it fully. Thank YOU! :)

    • 6 years ago

      by Meme

      I am glad you like it :)