Comments : Closure - slam poetry

  • 5 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    I dont know where to start other than to say this is something very special, it is truly an outstanding piece of writing, honestly just jaw dropping in every single way.

    I can honestly say i am in awe of you for this write Chels, i have always thought your writing was awesome, but this is in a league of its own!!

    Breathless, speechless and nothing less than amazingly outstanding!

    I just cant express just how much i love this piece. Xxxxxxx

  • 5 years ago

    by Meme

    R
    E
    S
    P
    E
    C
    T

    I was singing that after I read your piece, ummm I mean after listening to you shout it out loud. And I love it!

    You owned it girl, that was amazing. I loved the strength in it, the straightforwardness of it.

    You rock ;)

  • 5 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    I am thrilled to see some slam poetry on here! I love, love, love it!

  • 5 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    WTF CHELS!!! Stunning girl , a masterpiece a nomination and a hug lol

    You really pulled this one out the bag :)

    Amazing

  • 5 years ago

    by X Harlea X

    This was so deep. It got across perfectly and just wow. I'm in awe of this. Wonderful job! ((5))
    ~Harlea

  • 5 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Chels I listened to the vocaroo too, you speaking the poem and I was so moved by your words. There's this sign in an English room at our school that says Speech is Power, and I completely believe that. You put so much honesty and emotion into this, your voice just spoke that message to all women of the respect we should always look for first.

    Breathtaking! I love this slam poetry, it's so incredibly expressive!

  • 5 years ago

    by Darren

    Where the hell do I start with this?

    It was genius to post a recording with this, if anybody listens and reads there can be no doubt how you wanted this to come across.

    Ok now the detail,

    Stanza 1
    You set the scene very well here, an icebox is a great start, you then describe the atmosphere of the room well linking it to the icebox, looking deeper you are suggesting already that you have indeed frozen over.

    stanza 2
    You are trying to reason in this stanza, you have realised that maybe you had indeed become those girls you disliked. However you remind us of your true feelings with the final two lines. The use of virgin was very clever, especially with some of the terminology already used. Looking deeper, I would suggest that a 'virgin inside your soul' could actually point to a feeling that you haven't found your true love. Maybe you have slept with him, but did you truly give yourself to him?

    Stanza 3

    This is so powerful, gives a real insight to what it could be like to be a beautiful woman. I can confirm from a mans perspective that most of us do drool over big breasts it is the way we are wired. I think they should see if there is a link with being breastfed and obsessed with breasts or a 'boob man'
    Ok what is interesting in this stanza is although you are clearly belittling men in this you are also blaming yourself, you talk of your hypnotic eyes and the last line mentions being fooled.

    Then the pause, the single line, the change of pace and tone. Brilliant.

    Stanza 4
    I had to read this stanza a few times, I think I may have gotten the meaning to this, if I am wrong let me know.
    I have been guilty in the past of handmaking gifts, the real reason? I had blown my money on myself and had panicked!!!! Men believe that by making a gift it means more to woman, could be true but depends on the gift. I think with this you have either seen this or are suggesting that he is starting to take you for granted, with the reference to how you met, you could be asking him to remember how it was. As for the ring? does he really truly love you? or was this an empty gesture to keep you sweet. Or attempt at least.
    You talk of being a sinner, reading AGAIN I look back to your non giving of yourself, in your mind you are still a virgin to a true love, so does this man not realise that he is not the one? you gave yourself to easily, he is now taken you for granted, but he is not the one?

    Stanza 5
    You are still annoyed with yourself in this stanza, you describe him in terms such as vampire and predator, you have no feelings for him, you feel like a slab of meat that he has had his fill with, you didn't listen to your true feelings.

    stanza 6
    The puppet analogy is great BTW, very clever and takes this whole stanza to a deeper level. How many woman feel controlled, not just by men but by life itself, but there is also the 'trophy wife' syndrome, men like to have a beautiful woman on their arm as a status symbol, they see the breasts and features first and never take time to get to know the person. The ice rink suggests confusion and no clear direction, yet hitting the floor and facing the rink to me suggests that you are being to face this head on.

    Stanza 7
    This is where everything turns around on it's head. You have realised that it is important to have respect for yourself. You are now weary of predators and are going to take time out. I love the last two lines, so strong and such anger (scrambled eggs with ranch and I am guessing red- Pink would be too obvious, titanic is your favourite film. woo hoo)

    stanza 8

    What a great opening line, this links back to stanza 2 and the whole virgin in my soul. You know now that you want a man that loves you for you, not what he can get from you. You are realising the importance of soul mates, a true love. But there is also a suggestion that he will have to work a lot dam harder first. prove his love, prove he doesn't just want you for your body. The anger and shock factor of this stanza is awesome.

    final stanza

    Lovely calming few lines that links perfectly with the opening stanza.

    ........

    Princess you have written a monster of a poem here. you should be very proud and I am once again in awe of you. I love the honesty and the 'balls' to put this out there.
    Easily easily nominated.

  • 5 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I'm so glad that I listened to this instead of just reading it... it's 100x more powerful, especially when you raised your voice and read faster.

    I am not going to break it down because it's better than that, raw emotion like this just cannot be critiqued. This is so powerful and just a very true message... all us women want is respect, not to be seen as a sexual object.

    Love it, Chels...and can't wait to read more of your slam poetry!

  • 5 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    OH MY FRICKING GOD!!!

    I don't know what I am more in awe of, you're amazing writing skills, or you're conviction...listening to you read it out, the way it's meant to be read gave it a whole new diversity...

    I use to think this covering on my head was hair,
    and now I've realized it was just string for masters to control me.

    ^^^That is ingenious creative masterpiece writing skill right there...

    WOW WOW WOW

    Chelsey...I love you....