--- There is something mysterious about this poem that I'm not too sure how to interpret. There is something that bugs me though but i'll get to it later.. However, I very much like this piece. The tone comes from someone who seems to be not certain about sleeping. Rather someone who is not sure if he/she is sleeping or still awake. There is also a tone of sadness for the narrator feels alone and tries to find the warmness that he/she wants in a blanket and when she/he finally finds it, he/she realizes that he/she can't fall asleep and this reminded me of the times I had insomnia. Not very good nights. It seems that the reason why the narrator has insomnia is due to having too many thoughts and those thoughts have taken control over her mind thus not allowing her to lose consciousness and falling asleep.
AT 2:59, it seems that the author is starting to feel more tired that her eyelids feel lighter.. at this point. I'm hoping that the author could get some sleep. Almost 3 am in the morning and no sleep.
3:15 and the author knew that he/she will still not be able to sleep. Due to memories and thoughts of someone.
5:32.. the author doesn't know if he/she finally slept or if she is still awake which makes me insecure and intrigue... and at the same time worry. I'm assuming that the voice comes from the memories of that someone who is telling him/her to drift away and talk back to the voice.
7:30.. I shouldn't have listened.. with this I'm guessing that the author listened to the voice and thus he/she did not get any sleep. 7:30 am. He/she regrets not falling asleep due to listening to that voice in his/her head. :-s
Very good, I 'm guessing that Winter is the one responsible for the author's insomnia.. and apparently Winter is a she.
There is one thing that I'm not too fond of (bugs me) and that's the time. I think is really creative to use it though I'll suggest to incorporate the AM or PM. I'm guessing that all the hours are AM since it said in the first stanza that it was too dark to be awake. But just as a precaution, there are places where is still dark even in the afternoon. . . or at least I was told that there are places where there is complete darkness for 24 hours... so the AM or PM may or may not come in handy. But I'll suggest to use it to add more into the piece.
Overall, I thought this piece was very well written, it had a pinch of mystery which I very much enjoyed. Though, I'm still not too sure about what the author meant with "I shouldn't have listened" my first thought that the author regrets listening to the voice thus he/she couldn't sleep. But it could mean something else.
5 years ago
Loneliness?? maybe the 1st stanza sure says that the persona is feeling lonely thinking of something, some one trying to feel their presence near her to vanish this feeling she have and you used winter again maybe cause winter is on the door but I think you mean something deeper I think you reefer t o somebody you knew with winter or maybe I am the one who is going so far with thoughts, dreams are the escape from the reality then it is a bad reality the persona is living so she try to sleep for not facing another day and the ending the persona was taken away by her memories to find herself remembering somethings she wanted to forget and she regret agreeing to fly away with memories and listening to her mind.
points to say starting each stanza with time was brilliant and original for me and it gave me as a reader a lot to think about
also as usual you end you poems in a way that makes the reader think here I thought a lot about why did u regret listening to that voice and who is that voice owner apparently it is some one the persona knows but who?
Nominated for sure
This poem deserves to be a winner
I knew this was yours when I read it in the challenge, and I knew it would win...and I hope this will be on the front page next week... it deserves to be.
Nominated and adding to my favorites!
I absolutely adore how what you done with the challenge of time. I think we all have those nights where we just sit in bed... thoughts racing through our mind not allowing us to sleep while we gaze at the clock every few hours.
1:47: Just the start of your long night... you long for someone to be lying beside you...you hate being alone. maybe this is just after a breakup? you are still adjusting to being in the bed by yourself again.
1:59: I love the personification of Winter. When someone uses Winter in their poetry, it always gives off a nostalgia feeling, it worked perfectly here. The blanket is all you have to keep you warm, no longer a person... and it really is heartbreaking. You try with all your might to go to sleep but your mind has other plans.
I really like how you added your thoughts into the brackets, I think you meant for them to be your actual thoughts like when you were laying in the bed? I'm not sure but that's how I read it.
2:59: Your eyes are maybe getting sore from crying? or just from exhaustion? I guess it could be both. Eyelids are getting lighter because as the night goes on and as your mind races, you no longer feel the need to "try" to sleep because you know it's not going to come.
3:15: The memories flood back... all of them at once and it's hard to bare. You know you should be trying to get at least a couple hours of sleep but there is no way with that person imprinted in your brain and their voice echoing. You get to that point of night where you are so tired you kind of hallucinate, hence the sanity part. You are kind of half awake, half asleep maybe? I know I get like that and then I'll fully wake up and I know I didn't sleep at all.
5:32: This is in quotation marks, so maybe this is something you will say to that person when you do see them? Or maybe it's just your thoughts at the moment? I was probably wrong about the brackets earlier... This sounds more like your thoughts... Like what you plan to do to get this person back?
7:00: You shouldn't have listened to your thoughts? Should have tuned them out completely and got some sleep because today will be pure hell... or you should have listened to that person? It could be interpreted differently, I guess. I'm not a great interpreter at all, lol.
I think every single person that reads this can totally relate to this. It's amazing and full of emotions that we all have from time to time.
You blew my mind with this one Xanthe, and I knew you would win it!
Here is my comment from the club threads since reading it again and again just makes me speechless..
"This poem just left me so speechless. The writer has definitely described a state of mind that I went through a lot. "Sleeplessness" and I too hate the fact that I cant control my mind and thoughts, I oftenly think a lot and sometimes even my mind seems to suffocate me but I cant run away from it. Those different time stamps and pauses and the way you were feeling and thinking at everyone of them just showed me how alike we are. This is one of the best poems I read lately and could relate to fully."
Wow, your opening here drew me in straight away as I knew exactly what you meant, you just feel so alone that you feel a bit desperate for any company, no matter what that company is.
When you go on to describe what it is like to feel like you dont exist anymore - I could understand this feeling. Like you are not dead but it doesn't mean you are living every day either. Its a very depressing and numb feeling which drags us down.
The part where you say your eyes begin to hurt, but yet you feel more awake because you have probably past the point of tiredness, this is what happens to me, so you begin to think of more things and your mind goes off again.
I like how you put the time through out the poem so we could see exactly what went on during your night of trying to sleep. it shows how long the night can be when you do not sleep.
As for your ending, I think the single line ending holds so much power and I am glad you chose to do this. It shows regret because of something you believed in which has resulted in you hurting and feeling this emotion.
This poem was another touching and very honest one. Great job and another great title choice.