Comments : Progression

  • 4 years ago

    by Jordan

    "Tomorrow
    I ride to meet my shadow
    in the middle of the moor
    when the sun is high upon the hill
    and rain clouds swarm as flies
    to a honey pot."

    You're a master of fantastical imagery. I love it when you write.

  • 4 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This poem really makes my thoughts go into so many directions, I do admire that with your pieces... Believe it or not... this poem truly touched me this morning... I'm scared for tomorrow and I realize the demons I must face... its just you worded it so beautifully... that it makes me not so scared to face tomorrow...
    Just really adore your poetry, thought I would let you know that :-)

    • 4 years ago

      by silvershoes

      Thank you, Maple Tree :) Your comments are too kind.

  • 4 years ago

    by sibyllene

    I also liked the stanza that Jordan highlighted. It played out very LOTR-esque in my mind.

    I think my favorite part of this poem was how the structure lent itself to the content. You start out with the past, present, and then there is the repetition of "tomorrow." To me, this could mean a few things. Maybe these three tomorrows are branches of possible futures. Maybe they stand for a longer extension of time. Tomorrow, then the day after, then the day after, denoting a stretched-out future.

    Personally, though, the biggest effect this had was that of mood. Through repetition, you're building up all your actions of tomorrow - the things you need to do, that you're dreading to have to do - so that they almost feel insurmountable. I feel a sense of exhaustion in that section (in a good way), and it's thanks to the format.

  • 4 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    "that fled not long ago,
    but too long ago"

    I absolutely adore this.

  • 4 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    What struck me in this piece was the journey I was taken on, through the past until the present and how the future was being decided at that point, there was such a sadness in this piece that touched me greatly but also a hope that was shining through which was beautiful.

    The wording was so well incorporated, the imagery displayed that was almost fantastical yet spoke of depth and emotion, it felt really strong.

    I really enjoyed this piece, and it is something I am sure most of us can relate to, in one way or another.

    xxx

  • 4 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Jane,
    This poem seems almost Idyllic in the sense of the days of chivalry and romantic love. Your images draw me to the highlands of Scotland. I can imagine your love-lost as an Ivanhoe leaving to take the battle to the gates of the intolerant enemy and you, Rowena, in flowing lady's garments riding the moor yearning for him.

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is so haunting Jane...I apologize for not reading it before! First, congratulations on the win and I want to say something about this strikes me as archaic. Like something I'd pick up an a leather-bound notebook and find in the back of it......the whole atmosphere is cold to me, like there's an obvious mist in your life, and all you can utter is tomorrow, knowing there will be one. But the reason and meaning and definition behind is unknown for now. I love your wording, it struck emotion within me, simply taking my thoughts for a journey through this life. Really neat how you structured this, I enjoyed reading it so much! The last stanza lingered in my mind. Especially what Yaki quoted. These ghosts, this past is so far behind you, almost impossible to become tangible again, it seems illusory. But then you give a small flutter of thoughts that maybe they can still be reclaimed. Whether that's getting out of this darkness and opening up a new part of your heart, or hoping again for some freedom, to realize who you are....it's amazing what you have made me ponder. It's so brilliantly inquisitive and unique; the depth within your words are beautiful. I liked the title instantly and I think it ties in with the poem. I mean, it could be the bigger-picture progression of your character, or your existence on earth, what will fill your heart instead of the hollowness you see and possibly remember from the last goodbye of this person. Truly glad to have read this, thanks for sharing..

    Take care!

  • 4 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    Wow... This really, really is beautiful. The way it flows is... Phenomenal. You paint a picture in my mind, and I feel the emotion in the poem, strongly. There aren't many writers like you, anymore. But it makes me happy that I have started to find a few talented poets on this site c: great job!
    -z

  • 3 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Breathtaking imagery and flowed like water! Great piece!