Subconscious suicide

Oh my god. This is awesome. o.O
You guys...do another one. Seriously. You guys mesh perfectly. IN MY FAVES. The imagery in this is so vivid.

"The ebony sky opens to cleanse my sins,
lavished with drops of purity."

"Surrender
to the wicked and let it pounce on top of them."

"chains intoxicating my veins with a deadly
concoction - loneliness, fear and freedom."

BAAAAAH that was perfect. It's so dark, almost eery, and it has a humid feel about it. Like a chokingly humid feel. Your words together = brilliance.

As stated a few times, you two mesh so well together! I demand more collabs! :)

I don't have the time to break it down and whatnot, I'll just say that I love the word usage throughout the poem, as well as the vivid imagery.

The second stanza and the ending are my favorite! Love <3

The dark tone all through this piece was spectacular!

The wording seemed perfect in painting this image in the readers mind.

And I absolutely loved the pauses towards the end of the piece. Its like the statements were meant to deliver the message in a loud clear voice.

Well done guys!
xxx

The abrupt line breaks in the first stanza are very distracting to be honest. They are so abrupt that it is jarring to read them. It also makes the line transition a bit out of place. I really like your diction here, the intensity of your word choice, but they are less noticeable due to the current line structure. The intensity of your dialogues most of the times, can be determined through a suitable structure. Most of the dark poems are often structured irregularly and not on a regular pattern whereas as if I am reading an almost rhymed or metered poem.

For example,

Darkness is my gravity. As it weighs
on me, bare skin brushes against rocks,
dirt, and bacteria life that neighbors itself
next to me. Held against my will, forced to
breathe the atmosphere of the defeated.

^ in my humble opinion this would read better if it is structured as below:

Darkness is my gravity.
It weighs on me,
bare skin brushes against rocks,
dirt, and bacteria life that neighbors
itself next to me,
held against my will,
forced to breathe the atmosphere
of the defeated.

Darkness is my gravity. As it weighs
^ "as" should be removed, as for me it is a filler.

held against my will,
^ either you lower case the "held" and incorporate comma before this line or change it to "Hold" instead.

This is just an example of how the structure should be, of course, Tony, this is my opinion. :)

The wording is perfect, I love it and I really really like it, just thought I should point out what I think is off in this poem.

You and Chelsey did a marvelous job, your minds seem to work in synchrony.

I do love collabs that mesh together... You two wrote a powerful piece on the darkened thoughts... of a depressive nature... the ending is very powerful.... love love love this!