Comments : Suspended in Water

  • 10 years ago

    by ThebutterfliesMuse

    This is great.. the feeling of love is wonderful. You penned it so well. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very sensual

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Comment from Round 1 of FOP contest:

    I feel like you had a strong metaphor starting out, but near the end, it became ordinary and mundane. There was nothing exciting in the end and I almost feel a let down. I wish you would have alluded to more in the end to leave the reader hanging, or made an allusion to the water to tie in that metaphor, like that he is her anchor or something. I do like the flow and ease in which you write, with little punctuation so every lines molds to the next. I don't think there's a need for "she's feeling" when your prompt is to describe how love feels, it just adds space. Would have liked to see more along this process of falling in love, you mention how her mind feels clouded, keep going with that then, don't just drop describing what love means. I didn't get as much "texture" so to speak in this poem because it felt a bit incomplete.