I like how this was a club challenge and probably having to write based on that super long title! But I learned something new today and I think the concept of what the word means is extremely beautiful....it's very artistic and to be able to portray a person's growth, spirit, purpose in a single piece of heart would be breathtaking.
Great usage of the string senryu too!
"Winter bares a tree
of leaves while Summer dawns to
brim it with beauty."
- To me, that first line shows a sublte ownership and maybe intimacy, like winter is personally baring a child....these are its own children, and the leaves a remnant of that season. I love the softness of "dawns", especially how it is used as a verb. Very gentle.
Only suggestion would be with "brim it". It sounded a bit harsh, and I'm not sure if it was the best word to vividly show how Summer can fill the leaves from Winter. It also was a bit awkward in my opinion, since you usually here "brimming".
"God paints this art to
say 'Nothing stays forever',
to portray our Life."
- Beautiful simplicity here as well as a meaning and truth that can be hard to understand sometimes. Nothing is everlasting; our life is fleeting. You bring your message and words all together in this last stanza I believe, because it shows the reason why this art was painted.
5 years ago
I know you asked me to do two of your latest, but my explorer won't let me load the love poem you had :(
BUT, I'm glad because it let me stumble on this creative, inspiring beauty.
I learned something new with the Chronosynchronic, and that excites me, now I want to try it! I think you handled it very well, and I love how you brought a spiritual tie into the nature portion as well. The seasons are definitely a creation proving the ever-coming changes in our world.. and they are consistent.. perhaps why I love it so much.
This poem has me really inspired. You said so much in so little. You're definitely going onto my favorites.. I love awe-inspiring pieces like what you've created! Awesome write, once again :)