Comments : Chronosynchronic [ String Senryu ]

  • 4 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    This was another neat piece for the contest, the title is like a tongue twister, and quite neat in it's meaning too.

    Only minor error is "off" should be "of".

    Great write, Amreen :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Amreen I don't think anyone could have nailed this word the way you did! Your two stanzas describe PERFECTLY the definition of this.

    I like the fact that you challenge yourself. Its not easy to describe art, let alone describe art that is describing someones life.

    This is just astounding really, for the simple reason that word was hard..and you nailed it..truly nailed it.

    Well done.

  • 4 years ago

    by Mohan

    I agree the truth "nothing stay forever".

  • 4 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    OHH!! Wonderful my dear and you have written the truth about life so poetically beautiful!!

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I like how this was a club challenge and probably having to write based on that super long title! But I learned something new today and I think the concept of what the word means is extremely beautiful....it's very artistic and to be able to portray a person's growth, spirit, purpose in a single piece of heart would be breathtaking.

    Great usage of the string senryu too!

    "Winter bares a tree
    of leaves while Summer dawns to
    brim it with beauty."

    - To me, that first line shows a sublte ownership and maybe intimacy, like winter is personally baring a child....these are its own children, and the leaves a remnant of that season. I love the softness of "dawns", especially how it is used as a verb. Very gentle.

    Only suggestion would be with "brim it". It sounded a bit harsh, and I'm not sure if it was the best word to vividly show how Summer can fill the leaves from Winter. It also was a bit awkward in my opinion, since you usually here "brimming".

    "God paints this art to
    say 'Nothing stays forever',
    to portray our Life."

    - Beautiful simplicity here as well as a meaning and truth that can be hard to understand sometimes. Nothing is everlasting; our life is fleeting. You bring your message and words all together in this last stanza I believe, because it shows the reason why this art was painted.

  • 4 years ago

    by Britt

    I know you asked me to do two of your latest, but my explorer won't let me load the love poem you had :(

    BUT, I'm glad because it let me stumble on this creative, inspiring beauty.

    I learned something new with the Chronosynchronic, and that excites me, now I want to try it! I think you handled it very well, and I love how you brought a spiritual tie into the nature portion as well. The seasons are definitely a creation proving the ever-coming changes in our world.. and they are consistent.. perhaps why I love it so much.

    This poem has me really inspired. You said so much in so little. You're definitely going onto my favorites.. I love awe-inspiring pieces like what you've created! Awesome write, once again :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Love Fallacy

    Simple yet holds so much meaning. Great job.