Comments : A Scene

  • 4 years ago

    by Abed

    So descriptive! Brilliant.
    That's a beautiful tragic.

  • 4 years ago

    by Saerelune

    What can I say? I could tell you how sad this is, but sadness is in the very nature of your poetic voice and I'd just be saying the same things I've been saying on all of your other writes. It's heartbreaking what you go through and this poem proves it all.

    I like how this piece is precise. Full of details that seem random but are actually relevant. Petals, confetti, rice, flags, marmelade. I am sure they all have their meaning to you. It creates an atmosphere of celebration, but the excitement is soon enough counterattacked by the presence of death.

    "two empty plates in the fridge and
    a hungry kid. "
    ^ This. This kind of detail is so relevant in poetry. It's devoid of any glitter and just states what it is, but still hits you right into the gut.

    I also really like your ending. Love how you put this piece together (since I read your unfinished version before this). It has much more of a character now and it's well-rounded. The line "a homeland resting on a map" suddenly makes it more personal if you ask me, since throughout your works the word "homeland" just holds meaning to you. The way you incorporated the word this time is very creative, makes it look like a rather small and lonely country, I think, to just be resting on a map, with no meaning to the world, just another country. But to you, to you it's your homeland, it's your everything.

    Your way with repetition is flourishing very well. I love it. Love all of it.

  • 4 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Heartbreaking, Noura. You made me tear up. Your inside perspective on what's happening in Syria is invaluable, and your ability with words makes it feel more graspable for readers like me who are living in a bubble far away from the chaos.
    I wanted to grab a few lines from your poem that I felt were most powerful, but what's the point.
    Wonderful writing.

  • 4 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A moving write that will touch the core of every
    reader. We are surrounded by war and death
    with no escape!

    Your words here brings out strong images which
    pulls the reader into a world where pain and sadness is the only reality..touching.

    Congrats on the win.

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is a heartbreaking read. There are so many appalling scenes for the reader to take in here as the story progresses and each one seems worse that the previous one. I think the repetition worked really well in this particular verse because it hammered each emotional scene straight into the readers heart. I really loved your word used here Noura...and excellent poem and very well deserving of your win...

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    What's really neat about how you wrote this poem is that the images all impact the reader emotionally.... they don't just sit there dully without purpose. It's descriptive and visual yet knowing this is all you see, that little can be done now, is incredibly sad.

    What made this even more heartrending is the fact you are a citizen there, this should be your homeland yet violence is tearing up the soil that should be filled with pride. Can't say more because the others have said it so well on here. You make plain descriptions have meaning as well as touch the reader because we don't see this going on. We don't know true tragedy necessarily. I think it also takes strength and courage to write of others' stories, even if death has already taken over them, you are seeing that man who is just another person, but feel something for as he is being buried. As if the earth/country itself is mourning.

    Love how you write. Congrats!

  • 4 years ago

    by Mohan

    Actually I am not a good commenter.
    so I dont't know how to comment for this,
    great poem and you deserve the win...