Comments : Cyanide

  • 4 years ago

    by Saerelune

    The title itself already sounds poetic and mystified, makes me as a reader rather curious where this poem is going. I expected an abstract poem, but pleasantly surprised to find such a heavy dosis of reality in it.

    I really like the tone you have throughout this piece, calm, almost at the verge of whispering. It seems contradictory with the images you have, such as "hushing his rifle in another child". Almost absurd to pair such a calm voice with such a shocking image, but it works, it empowers the image. Actually, it made me sad too, because I was thinking this seems like an everyday thing, so the persona must have become numb to it.

    Very clever of you to incorporate the scent of Jasmines, which is if I remember correctly the flower of Syria? It serves as a good connection to what the title was actually about. I find it very creative how you managed to explain the title here. Of course, the cyanide, in rockets ... chemicals. So I assume the scent of chemicals is all over this mother, which makes me think she's passed away. And the third stanza confirms that to me in a beautiful but sad way. I like how you said she looks beautiful in white, instead of straight-on saying she's passed away.

    The last stanza makes me wonder if the persona has passed away too. Or whether "being dead" should be taken literally or figuratively in this poem. Because, are we really "living" if we're breathing in the scent of death every day? Thought-provoking. Well written!

  • 4 years ago

    by silvershoes

    Have someone ever told you
    how beautiful you look in white?
    ^ Should be *has

    Sad poems on the front page this week. Sad and raw and real - exactly what should be winning in times like these.

    Your eyes are glowing, mother.
    Your skin's much lighter now.
    ^ These lines and their timing... both incredible.

    Very nice writing. I'm sorry such a thing has happened to write about.

  • 4 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Another heart wrenching read. It brings attention
    to the reader of the cruelty and injustice brought
    onto innocent victims of war!

    I can hear the painful voice of the child within this
    write..moving write.

    Congrats on the win.

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    Absolutely gut wrenching. Before I go any further can I just point out something that I think is incorrect...

    Has someone ever told you..I think it should be has anyone ever told you?

    Not to worry...this piece is outstanding! You sucked the reader right in with your very first line had my full attention from start to finish. Too many sad, but beautiful lines for me to highlight a few a jigsaw puzzle they all meshed so well together to may it whole.

    It's raw and...I will not pretend to know what you people are suffering but...perhaps we will begin to understand while reading your words...Congratulations on your is very worthy of the front page!

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    Just something else for you to think about as I read this poem once again...I just can't help reading it over and over...the topic is so sad's such a beautiful write...anyway... the western world this is more or less associated with the aftershave a male would wear, where as a woman would wear perfume...just something for you to consider...

  • 4 years ago

    by nourayasmine

    I felt like the mother you're talking to is Syria itself. Not only cyanide is killing Syria but also the hatred of its people.

    "I waved at our neighbor this morning,
    but he squelched a cigarette
    and scowled at me."

    This just breaks my heart.

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    Ok...I can't stop reading this poem and I think I have become a stalker of it's just so raw and well written that I just HAVE to come back! I know I may sound like I'm nit picking but...I feel, if this poem is going to go viral as one judge suggested, then it should be absolutely perfect. I have another couple of suggestions for you to consider....

    Perhaps, at dawn break

    I think it should be dawn's break? If you were saying the break of dawn then that would be ok but...the way you have worded it and I think it's more poetic how you have it...the break belongs to the dawn...hope you understand what I mean here?

    Also...don't know what these (...) are actually called? I know I should because I use them all the time myself but...someone pointed out to me that the usage should be three..not two or four...three! I was never conscious of this myself and, I really don't know if it's a requirement but...I've noticed I used only three now haha!!!

    Yours sincerely

    Your stalker :)