Comments : If I Could Describe Love This Well..

  • 3 years ago

    by crystaljean88

    Your explanation of love is right on sight. This was very descriptive and full of emotion. Job well done

  • 3 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Nice piece.

    Though in my opinion, it could do with some revision.

    There was a part where you mentioned,

    Because the brain has lost too much blood.

    ^ when I think of losing blood, I immediately link it to an injury in the body. If my memory doesn't fail me, nowhere in the poem it talks about someone damaging the brain. However, if you were to say because the brain hasn't received enough blood... Then it sounds better at least for me. Plus it makes more sense since the heart stopped beating so the brain is not receiving enough blood. (

    Overall, I believe this was your logic behind the entire piece. Rather I believe this is what you were trying to prove, That love needs not to be thought but felt.

    Meaning that when we first gaze deeply into our lovers eyes, we inhale their soul in ours, our lungs while doing so, inhaling, forget rather, refuse to exhale it out. Then our heart skips a bit at least for a moment, and inside of us, our blood, the one that was once flowing throughout our bodies, stops! And by doing so, it stops just so our brain won't receive enough flowing blood, as a result, our brain could not do its job...to make us think and control our other organs. So while gazing into our lovers eyes, the heart skips a bit at least for a moment so it would regain full control of our body. Of our feelings. So we could feel love rather than think about it. At least just for a small moment.

    I could be wrong in my interpretation though. And sorry, im Just rushing through this comment while trying to say what i think. lol Im not always too successful in explaining myself while rushing. Though there are few other parts like the one mentioned above that could benefit with some revision.

    Just my opinion but nice piece.

    (edit: I am not sure by how long does the brain stops function without receiving enough blood. I'll have to think this through as I am a believer than in other to feel one needs to think or in order to think one needs to feel... Meaning that both go hand in hand, so I'm in mixed feelings about the content of the poem.)