This was personal yet something that you gave me a picture of, a look into this cold city and how you feel not just physically, but emotionally affected by it. I liked the "zero comfort in the sub zero temperatures", and the image of strangers becoming your friends. Lonely and thoughtful...... oh and I know you said it was a small poem, but I liked the simple wording especially with the ending. Socks (probably fluffy ones) seem like your style! It gives this poem more of your voice, more of an emphasis that each part of you is trying to get through this cold. You will get past this. Stay strong <3
Big congrats on the win of course!
[And sorry for all my edits through this, trying to collect my thoughts and not doing the best job lol]
Such a chilling piece. I haven't experienced snow, but I'm a fan of weather and the effects they could have to people and their emotions. This poem is a great example...
upon cold stone...
as strangers walking by
become my friends.
A New York freeze
drags me into depths
there is nothing warm in this city,
even my socks wave goodbye.
^ I love those lines. Especially the sound, I could just hear your voice knocking the words into my brain, and my heart. The last line you mentioned has a person note to it, I'd be interested to know what it is, but also like the mystery behind it. :)
Congrats on the win!
4 years ago
by Beautiful Soul
First- congrats on the win I am glad you won because this is an unbelievable poem. This is a very beautiful poem as a whole and you started out very well. The imagery is very simple and beautiful. I can imagine this person looking up ignoring the snow fluttering onto their face. Tears of sadness flow down and the reader feels so much sorrow right off the bat. The wording is simplistic yet packs so much emotion into so few lines.
Second- The loneliness is smothering here and again you add more to the build of of the story. I love this stanzas wording again. The silence is used well here. You are alone so that tells me you are missing someone that kept you warm over maybe a lot of your life. Winter seems to make you feel worse and worse inside. I love how you used the temperature to compare to what you are feeling. It seems the colder you get the more sadness you feel.
Third- This is a very interesting stanza to me. I think you are walking around and you find anyone to find comfort in. I feel like the more you talk to people the more lonely you feel. Also I love the build of to the ending. You don't really know why you are sad. Or you don't really give the reader an idea of it.
Ending- I love how you give a location here. I think it gives it more of a personality like the city is alive. And the city itself is the one that is hurting you. Maybe you are filled with so many memories that just being there makes you more and more depressed. Overall. This is a great poem because again you show so much live in one small poem. Congrats again.
Winter always brings a touch of sadness in a heart and this one not only draws that sadness but also the loneliness.
In such a big city there is no one to stop to even see how you are. Not only are we lonely physically and emotionally but also feel the pain of not been noticed.
I like the opening for it gave an image of an innocent tear faced girl lost in a cold world and even the very clothing she is wearing gives no comfort or warmth just like the people who pass her by...touching write.
I felt so much more personal feeling in this poem than just the freeze out the writer is speaking of. I feel like this person has experienced so much loss and pain while in this city that she feels drawn to leave that all behind, and even the warmth inside her is telling her to feed her spirit elsewhere. This poem says so much in so little, and has so much heart to it. I love the setting, but love the metaphor more. Really beautiful!
I've found there is nobody who portrays imagery quite like Andrea does and this is one of the reasons she is one of my favourite writers. She is able to make me visualise such vivid scenes in my mind and I've found over the years that that isn't something many people can do, and even the few that can certainly don't do so in any close way that she does.
It's one of the reasons I always get excited when reading nature poems from her, and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that this wasn't a nature poem yet still had the detailed vivid imagery I have come to know expect and love.
I actually keep rereading this over and over and each time the sadness throughout hurts a little more. You have managed to create a poem where the reader can actually sense, feel, and share your pain and sorrow which isn't always easy to achieve. More often than not, when trying to describe these emotions many authors simply end up with a jumble of words that the reader doesn't feel but here... here, my heart breaks a little more with every read.
The only thing I wasn't really keen on was the last line. I don't know if this has some personal meaning to the author, but even if it does given I'm not privy to it, it seems to me this line and this line alone doesn't hold as much sway as the rest of the poem does.
Even with that being said, this poem will remain a firm favourite of mine just as the poet herself will.