Sit down and look around,
tell me what you see.
A bunch of people walking too and fro
or are they trying to flee?
Great introductory stanza Allie! I really saw this stanza in my mind and made me think too which would people say? Hmm most would say walking to (and I think you meant 'to' not 'too' kitten and fro since people don't normally walk when the flee they run. Anyways thanks for making me think
People don't look deep enough
nowadays to even care.
They don't see what's inside of you
they don't even bother to dare
So true people just are rude nowadays! You can't seem to find that much nice people. If you don't have nice clothes, nice house, or even a nice car they won't give or bother to care. I totally agree with the last sentence because people see me as a happy person but they don't look down inside me nope they don't.
You could be sitting on the edge
about the jump and set free
and they'll just walk by.
You could even make it a decree.
I think you meant to say "about to jump" instead of "about the jump" Allie. and like James said I agree 100% to this poem and this stanza society is that cruel it doesn't care that you have problems they hand you out pills if those pills don't work they put you in a mental hospital if that help then they give up on you tough but true. Also hehehe to the last line it's so sarcastic daughter it's just funny to me I know it's not funny but that line is funny to me
But no, they won't care
they won't even see you sitting there
because all they notice
is nothing but thin air.
Society is so like that I love how you tied in your former screen name Allie it was "Jump From Life" I really do love how you made a poem about it wonderful poem daughter! 5/5
I love the way you make everyone seem so invisible in their own helplessly perfect ways. You have a way with words here that is honestly amazing. I just wish you weren't so spot on with this.
3 years ago
by Beautiful Soul
I really liked and connect with this poem well. I'll get technical stuff out of the way. I didn't see anything wrong and the rhyming was really well! The poem as a whole flowed very well. Now the message is very strong because a lot of people go through this everyday. I think it's more relatable because you don't seem to have a main character so it targets the readers. :) it's unique in that way. The point of view is beautiful. I believe what you are trying to say that people who are the most quiet are the most overlooked and sadly that is true. People with the kindest hearts are the one's who hurt the most and often people don't see them and it's sad. Society is cruel. Anyways beautiful write because it's true!