I absolutely love the title, and the image it gives. It's dramatic and thrilling, like you can hold a lightning bolt in your hand. I think the brevity works so well in this poem, and I like the touch of the parentheses as it seems to give the character's inner monologue. I know I've been doing that more in my poetry to separate a few lines.
A few suggestions, up to you to take as you are the author of this piece:
- I don't feel the ellipses (...) are needed in this poem; I feel you overuse them. Or you could at least keep them on the lines that you don't have your words in parentheses, but it loses its significance to have them before and after words in a single line. They also seem to clog the poem up, by that I mean it looks too busy upon first glance. Just my opinion.
- Third line: "lighning" should be "lightning".
- I'm also not sure if using the title in the opening lines of the poem is too repetitive? I go back and forth with this, sometimes it works but it's such a unique image, it almost feels overdone if you use it twice. You could still mention lightning to tie that connection with the reader, but mention how you're trying to shape it or introduce it?
I do like the specific inclusion of the dandelions and the way this relationship means a great deal to you, how your last plea is to be held by this person, but it seems they are too far away now.