A beautifully written sad poem that so many people can relate to. Your sincerity and honesty in your lines leave the reader with very raw and passionate emotions of sadness. Your description of this pain to a fresh wound is so true. No matter what you do, a fresh wound is going to hurt, and sometimes in life, we lose that certain person who leaves a wound so deep it never heals and pains us from time to time.
"A year has gone by
yet loss is still
fresh as a wound,"
This correlation is, as mentioned above, so true and I love the way you describe the loss and how it still affects you. I think for so many people, loss is always a fresh wound and either you recover from it and are able to move on or you are consumed by it and lost in your own misery.
All in all, I loved the poem from start to finish. You took a hold of my heart in your lines and poured your sadness out for me to feel. I give you my deepest condolences if the message is true for you, but there is always hope to ease that pain a little. Great job and keep writing!
Wawoooooooooooo Meena ji
Its sad poem but really description of losing,
when love goes far and distance become wound, as long as time goes love wound became more fresher than before.
(long lasting of time make it more fresh)
I think you have written correct feeling of losing love & Jab describe feeling correctly.
Back later with a more in depth comment. Austin/Jad has it nailed in his comment.
3 years ago
This piece is beautiful... it broke my heart so effortlessly, because I like many can relate to this so perfectly.
I can't believe...
^I love this intro. It pulls the reader in by giving them a taste of the voice and tone in this piece without saying too much or really anything at all.
A year has gone by
yet loss is still
fresh as a wound,
^ This is a great stanza to be used at the beginning of your piece this way. It shows us that someone important to you is missing, somewhere else, hurt, dead, has forgotten you - really any number of situations which helps the reader apply themselves to the piece. Also the way you chose to say you and write the piece directly to someone is great because it allows the audience the option of being missed and loved or of being in your place. It's a nice thing to have that choice while reading.
There were days
which burnt away fast,
and nights stagnant
with your laughs,
^ I think this is my favorite stanza because it is so unique the words you chose are great the imagery is perfect the emotion oozes through every letter.
Moments crept in
with your memories,
minutes kept feeding pain
right up to the brim,
^ This is amazing. It completes the previous stanza and keeps up the creativity and beauty.
I still can't believe
that you are gone,
^ Great job of bringing the piece to a close, you've made your point and going full circle back to the beginning just to make sure that the message is clear enough.
^ Excellent use of transition
Today nature cries with me
a heavy song
^ I love this conclusion, it is stunning. i sat here staring at these two lines reading them over and over again for like twenty minutes before i could bring myself to actually write out this comment.
Really so much has already been said in the previous comments, but they are right. Pain is always a fresh wound even when it heals the slightest things can hurt. This is wonderfully penned because everyone can relate to it in their own way and it is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us.
Congratulations on you win Meena- oh what a touching poem! I can really relate to every line of this, and how you told us what grief is like, and what it feels like one year on. The wording you use is very simple, very vivid for what you want to get across. It feels like a very personal poem too, almost written directly to this person you have lost, showing a longing for them to be back with you again.
I really adored the lines in the middle where you tie moments and memories together. Sometimes memories can be good, but then sometimes even the happy memories can cause you the pain.
Your title is a perfect fit to the poem, it really emphasises how raw that pain is no matter how much time passes.
I really do feel your pain in this poem.
I was deeply moved by this poem which is riddled with grief from the loss of a loved one. The author describes the pain that is present with every passing minute, whilst showing how slowly that time passes. The focus seems to be the shock, and realisation that this person has been gone for a whole year, however the raw pain and memories feel like they are still fresh, like the title suggests. This is the true colour of grief and loss. A very moving poem that really grabs your heart strings.
2 years ago
by Ben Pickard
In honesty, Meena, I normally go through peoples' work and try and find pieces that haven't had the attention they deserve. However, on this piece, I saw the WIN label, read the title, considered the author and delved in, lol! I couldn't resist.
This really is a wonderful poem and is a heart breaking read that moved me immensely. I could pick any stanza but I love this:
"Moments crept in with your memories, minutes kept feeding pain right up to the brim."
This piece is almost too much to bear. Wonderful writing and all the very best,