Fighting for Life

Five year old in my brain
Playing with pieces of my pain
Controlling what makes me insane

Five year old steers how I feel
Losing a sense of what is real
Locked in a cage of steel

Five years old is all I've ever been
Stuck in the time of disgusting sin
Raging battle I never win

Eighteen year old I really am
Dealt such a life changing hand
Myriad of cards no one can understand

Eighteen years old and not very strong
Able to realize all that I do wrong
Powerless to a child for to long

Eighteen years old losing my mind slowly
Scared of the child who lurks silently
Strangling me and changing me swiftly

Five year old is my borderline personality
Snatching away precious reality
Igniting my poignant insanity

Five year old creeps into my emotion
Just going through habitual motion
Painting my soul with depression

Five year old constantly hurting
Always remind me of everything
Trapping me in it's suffering

Eighteen years old screaming at you
Struggling to break through
Not controlling what I do

Eighteen year old begging for an end
Facing the truth and unable to pretend
Crying out for help again and again

Eighteen year old locked in kindergarten
Hating the scars that tear her open
Praying to become one person

Eighteen year old crumbling under herself
Five year old twisting mental health
Expected to do this by myself

Eighteen year old won't look in the mirror
Five old makes the truth unclear
One soul tainted by utter fear

Eighteen year old fights for life of her own
Five year old is to frightened to be alone
Picking apart every fragile bone

Eighteen year old loses every time
Five year old poised at the borderline
Is this thought even mine?

I'm eighteen on one side of my brain
I'm five when it comes to my pain
I'm afraid I'll always be insane

Eighteen years old somewhere inside
Five years old and unsatisfied
Fighting my own childish ride