Comments : Compassion

  • 3 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Let us all give it a thought

    ^^This is a good way to start the poem and catch the reader's thought! It will make the reader wonder about the lines that are about to be read. Maybe a coma at the end of sentence will be better.

    That loving compassion of the mother for her child
    That dwells in each one of us

    ^^A mother's love for her child is precious. She will get angry, she will scold but her love never diminishes. We all have that sentiments and compassion; we have to learn how to extend that compassion to others as well even if they are strangers or not your child.

    I also feel that line will read better if you remove the word "that" for it looses the flow. Perhaps something like this:

    "The loving compassion of a mother for her child
    That/which dwells in each one of us.

    So it can embrace the whole of humankind
    Bringing happiness to all

    ^^A true sentence. When we learn to embrace the whole humankind, peace will indeed reign. A coma after the second line will be good here.

    The joy of living
    Intensely rooted in the life-force of the cosmos

    ^^Here too I feel the flow is abrupt, maybe the breaking up the lines will be good. For instance:

    "The joy of living
    Intensely rooted-
    in the life force of the cosmos.

    Overall, a lovely poem that holds an universal message, which needs to be enforced now more then ever! That is when peace will envelope the world.

    I also hope you didn't mind me pointing out the little details/changes in the poem. I felt this was such a good read and wanted to enhance it more.
    Keep penning.

    • 3 years ago

      by alka mendiratta

      Meena,I consider myself naive in this art.Truly thank you for helping me grow.
      Thank you for encouraging me write more.

      Changes made as suggested by you.Thank you again.

  • 3 years ago

    by Karla