This write holds intense elegance of love as well as soreness. These wonderful texts have been written through the depth of the core. This contains very fair theme set up with pleasant system of writing.
Here, I see an example that love holds such great emotions that it can make hanker any lover for a very long period. Also there's a behaviour described of a lover when his/her partner does not exists.
"for moments that was missed"
- "was" should be "were"
Such a neat form and I'm glad you shared this with us, Meena. It's always refreshing to see a new form and be informed on it. Also, nice subtle touch with the acrostic. I didn't notice until finishing reading the whole poem.
Also, with "Iced naps entombs", should "entombs" be singular or "naps"?
I really thought that first line was interesting, it caught my eye as I have never heard of "iced naps", but it made me think of being frozen in time, or with this winter cold, wanting to go back to the days of warmth, to the days with this person.
Was not expecting that finally line. Whether you meant "burns" physically or emotionally, it was still powerful to end with those three words as a plea. I think memories can burn us, and the person's imprint on our lives, when they are gone we realize how much we learned how much we are capable of missing them.
Congrats on the win, too!
2 years ago
by Beautiful Soul
Dangles from my eyes;
^ What a powerful start to this poem Meena, There seems to be two conflicting emotions here that come together as one. I do like how you used the word "iced". Death is indeed a cold feeling when you are left to hold the burden that it carries with you. The cold entombs the one you love and you yourself. Pain is part of the grieving process of course, but I think you are saying that pain can convert into tears and that is something that also comes with the process, it is a full cycle.
Yearning for moments that was missed-
Over the years which you and I had consumed, now an
Unavoidable storm chokes my life aching for your love to return, to
soothe my burns...
^ what a great ending to describe more about how you feel, I love how you consistently stayed with the same emotion through out because to me that makes the poem a lot easier to read. Also I love the acrostic inside the poem as well, It holds and is part of the poem up. As The reader you can tell that this person was very close to you and now you just want them back to make all the pain go away from your life. I am so sorry for the loss of this person in your life. There were no technical errors to the poem, but great job on the form, such a strong message in such a short form. 5/5
Nice form, Ms. Meena and congrats on the win. There are just times that we will wish someone is with us at that moment, that we need that someone to be there, but all we can do is yearn and hope and embrace the pain of knowing that that someone can't be there.
I admire Meena for combining these two forms together this week, and old form which is known to most of us, with a new form which is less common and perhaps unknown to many. Not only are the forms combined, which is talented, but the words in the poem are quite touching. There was a good contrast used also, with ice and burns, which really portrayed the message of longing for someone lost and how their absence has an affect on this person. Great write.
Fabulous formed poem by Meena this week! I absolutely LOVE THIS!!
Fibonnaci & Acrostic -
Very touching and heart gripping
A different mixture of forms and it works beautifully together.. This poem stands out above the rest in so many ways, I had to highlight it!!
Missing a loved one- to ease the pain of loss-- its a powerful emotion and then to display it within a creative mixture of forms is even better.
Usually the message down the side becomes the title... but since it is a mixture of forms and think it was a great move on Meena's part to make the title a statement, leading into the message down the side of the poem.. very creative and eye catching!!!!