Narph! You so completely hit it on the head!!!
Nothing we write actually comes out like we expect or hope. For myself, I get bogged down in the word choice and have to struggle to keep to my original concepts.
On the other hand, it often comes to pass that you can look back to your poem, especially you, Narph, and see so much MORE than you expected. You of all people should recognize that sudden revelation: oh, I said Way More than I thought, this is too close to real Truth.
Your phrasing was clever and original.
"realisms poke through ... rather like salmon bones"
Yes, annoyances that interrupt your pure enjoyment, are sometimes stiff and intractable, like rib bones, but sometimes something you can gnaw on, like vertebrae.
"just like a fog or heavy purple curtain / falling stiffly across your lap, the words you'd meant to mean much more / are shuttered off into some lingering abyss"
Here is the essence between Idea vs Reality and which one is the philosophical True Reality.
"i keep my poems cupped in my hands like newborn breaths"
I weep that I did not conceive of this analogy, but I celebrate that you have.
"digging their tinily snouted rhymes into the crevices / where my fingers press together"
Shaking my head: I cannot believe your CLARITY, ironic as it is about the very befuddlement from which communication inevitably suffers.
I can't really explain to you what's going on inside of me as I read this. So much head-nodding, personalization, reflection (inward and outwardly) and just.. a sense of relief. I love when someone writes something I've been feeling. I just wrote a poem that I've been wanting to write for years and never had the ability nor the right words to convey what I wanted. And now here I am, feeling that pride of "yes! I finally did it!" and now what? They're just words printed, and now what do I do with it, where do I go from here?
Your brain is beautiful. I love what you write, always have, and you have such an incredible way of just.. putting it out there, and making it relate to anyone and everyone.
An absolutely mammoth of a poem. There's a bit of everything, introspection (both self and outward), ruthless honesty and its tied together with a powerful narrative that slightly contradicts itself towards the end. My favourite verse would definitely have to be "i keep my poems cupped in my hands like newborn breaths." Absolute masterpiece!