Beautiful in a scary and realistic way. I love the mirror's role in making your reflection another character. The world is slowly but surely losing it's shine. It'll only get worse the further into these things societies delve into. Make your world a just one. That's what counts now. Thank you for sharing your work with all of our worlds :)
There are a couple punctuation errors throughout, but nothing too serious. The only major corrections would be:
the world is the devils disguise.
the world is the devil's disguise.
As we looked in the mirror,
we bean to grow old.
"we began to grow old."
"I see the cost of beauty now,
it's an unaffordable lie."
"I see the cost of beauty now:
it's an unaffordable lie."
This was actually a touching poem, quite vivid imagery of a girl in front of this mystical mirror that changes her as she stands in front of it. Almost grotesque, the imagery, but important and striking. I thought it was a unique concept, and you really did make the reader feel the person before the mirror change into a completely different person... and it's to be debated who actually died at the end of the poem ... assuming that's what's meant by "led to my demise."
It could be that the person before the mirror had been killed and she had burgeoned into this new, fake person... or that she herself died as a result of hating not being herself.
Either way, this story actually moved me. I feel you, with the sensation of looking in the mirror and just wishing I could make adjustments... but the more I make, the less I'm me.
1 year ago
by Ben Pickard
Hello and a warm welcome to the site.
This is a striking poem in content but also visually; the way it is laid out really drives the points you are making home.
I have a daughter and I genuinely despair and worry about the way she may care how the world will perceive her. The image of these 'perfect women' that girls are supposed to conform to is disgusting - everywhere you look, it's shoved in your face.
Sorry, I've had my rant! Anyway, I blame the Kardashians.....
Wow this is a very powerful write with a deep meaning.
Todays perception of what a woman should be is truly astonishing and I honestly believe it will get worse not better, with time. I often look in the mirror and wonder if I changed things if I'd be me anymore because we are who we are whether people like it or not and I am a great believer that beauty is skin deep because what does it matter if you're beautiful on the outside with a horrible inside..
I do feel for the young girls /women of today having to grow up in this society and even the men who feel it necessary to pass judgement on our looks rather than getting to know what's inside.
Anyway, great imagery and rhyme here. Wish I could nominate it because of the meaning and the piece as an whole and I hope somebody does.
Hi there! Welcome to P&Q! Really enjoyed this piece, although I find the line-breaks between the stanzas to be a bit excessive. That said, I like the inspiration from snow white, and the breath of harsh reality. Society places a great emphasis on aesthetics, rather than meaning & function, and it's terrifying. Well written!
Reality been put out, attacked and shaped to
behold the eyes of society forgetting the individual
and her feelings; making her worthless and not
appreciated unless she is shaped to the way of the
society! It's a sad fact which everyone goes
through and everyone fails to see the person for
who she is rather they all take a go and try and
beautify her to their ways.
The imagery is so dark and cruel and it hurts just
to read it. The part that stood out for me was the
image of the self emerging from the mirror and
slicing away/molding the woman and the
descriptions is crystal-clear it made me cringe,
it made me angry that society still has the power
to put down an individual and to drive that person
to madness! An aching reality it hurts to read...
Thanks so much for reading. That is true for sure. We look up to unrealistic looking people and it hurts. I wrote this when I was getting ready to sign a modeling contract with a very well known fashion company. And the things they wanted me to change were not worth it. It's painful that we are not enough as is. Thanks for the read and wonderful comment!