It's a heart V.S mind thing

I just don't understand this;
Not at all.
I'm torn between being angry
with you for what you've done
But at the same time I miss you so much.
How is it even possible to miss someone who was just so toxic for me?
I guess I'll answer my own question..
Because that's just what happens when you love someone so much.
I spent all this time waiting;
Hoping that things would work out,
Hoping that the one I love,
The one in which I have so selflessly sacrificed so much for would change to be the person
I knew he could be.
But then before I knew it so many
Years passed me by and I was still stuck in the same place,
Waiting... and waiting.. and hoping.
And I can't do it anymore..
my head and my heart are feeling two different things.
My heart misses you,
And my head wants to hate you.
It's a heart V.S mind situation,
And I don't even know which
one I want to win,
Or if it's even a battle worth
fighting with myself.
This is exhausting,
And it's surely taking its toll on me.
I just don't know anymore...