I can see the tears you've cried and the prayers you've prayed,
The neglect you've went through and still you stayed,
By far one of the most powerful imagery I've seen this week and it touches something very deep in me. I grew up in foster care and what I have seen throughout the years is how formidable each kid was. We all had trust issues from a plethora of reasons. We protect ourselves not only just from the pain or the suffering. We didn't counter the blows or fight back or yelled for help by acting out to just lessened the pain or the anger or the sadness. Foster kids and non foster kids who experienced trauma fight bc they are afraid people will see right through them: people will see what keeps them pushing forward. And there are so many reasons to push forward, but I believe the deepest and most vulnerable reason is hope.
I'm sure there is a kid somewhere in the system looking out his or her window at the stars above. The same kid who relived the abuse again and again in their head and people will wonder what makes him or her formidable. The caseworkers will say bc that kid is smart or that kid knows right from wrong, bc he loves his life etc.
The stars above painted in his or her heart reflects the hope beyond measure, that one day in the future, he can know what peace and love feels like. And if someone can walk into his or her life and show them the way, don't be surprise they have to be dragged to peace or love. We simply don't trust that anyone knows what it means to love us back. Most likely they never experienced it before. We only have seen it shine down on us from the stars only in the most darkest, saddest and loneliest moments in our lives; the only time we absolutely need to look up and find hope to survive another day in whatever rabbit hole they are in.
Hope in the abused does not usually come from people. You'll find it more in the little girls doll that's been there at her side through the long painful nights. You'll find the infinite hope when the kid plays the piano and hear it resonate from the strokes of the chords. Hope in the form of memories of stars and mountains and lakes and forests wishing we are there at the finish line from this madness. In inanimate objects and animals that were there to witness the vulnerability of the hopes and dreams he or she carries. He or she will protect those moments with their lives.
And for me, to try to envision a moment when you can meet someone and finally trust and believe in the person, the same person that can see right through you, is in itself a powerful imagery that is beyond words or emotion. It's hope that you are the one to believe in peace and love the same way he or she does, and take our hand and help us find it. That's real. That's fcuking beautiful.