Comments : Still more to come... (Part I)

  • 6 months ago

    by Eric

    Good work

  • 6 months ago

    by Eric

    I like how you flowed that and it’s so real how you feel. Sometimes work in progress is a good thing Ild like to read more if your not finished. I’m sorry you are hurt so much but your words express a real thought and feeling I’m enduring myself.

    • 6 months ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Eric - It is still a work in progress, i just cant seem to piece together in words at this stage what my mind and heart want me to.

      thanks for reading and the comment.

  • 6 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    The visuals are superb. It is so deeply emotional. A soul cracks into two like a tree struck by lightening. Often when we are hurt our heart and soul feels like it is split or shattered so your similes are spot on. Then in the second stanza you compare a cloudy mind to stormy skies and a numb body to a drunk when they have had too much. Pain also causes the body to make you feel numb like a protective reaction to help cope. The final stanza then reveals the momentum and depth of the devastation caused reinforcing the cause of the heart and soul breaking pain. All the way through you have used similes to good effect. I noticed you had said this was a working progress. I think for me I imagine that there will be a final stanza revealing the cause or catalyst of this destruction.

    Well done on an excellent piece. best wishes Milly x

  • 6 months ago

    by Michael

    Miss Nams,

    A tale - expressing so much of your emotions, and the way you compare those to nature, with each verse.
    A clever piece of writing lady
    Much love
    Michael :)x

  • 6 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A different sort of poem from you, Naomi, in regards to the obvious lack of rhyme. But it works and the imagery is excellent.

    I hope you are keeping well,

    Ben

  • 6 months ago

    by Em

    This is fantastic

  • 6 months ago

    by Ocean Chant

    I think it's quite captivating the feeling of humanized environment here. Thank you for sharing ^^

  • 6 months ago

    by Brenda

    Wow Nams, this is so powerful-loved it!

    • 6 months ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      thanks Brenda - still not complete :)
      But itll get there..

  • 6 months ago

    by Ren

    Amazing write, Nams! Well done! And I'm glad to see it is nominated! Take care love <3

  • 6 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    It's so compelling how you've connected these feelings with nature, it really compounds the pain. Excellent Nams :-) x
    =^.^=