What I See..Is What I Never Wanted To Be

by Hailey   Nov 27, 2004

Growing Up I Had Dreams
I Wanted To Be Everything
I Wanted To Enjoy Every Aspect
A Happy Life Could Bring

I wanted To Save Animals
Every Day Since I Was Five
I Never Knew Back Then
That I Probably Wouldn't Survive

I Was Always Good At School
I Did Every Subject Just Right
I Believed Id Be Great In Life
Up Until I Lost It All That Night

I Never Knew Id Hit High school
And Become Everything Hate
But I Suppose These Things Happens
Its Just A Matter Of Fate

So Popularity Became Important
School And Grades Had No Meaning
I Became Another Careless Teenager
I Was No Longer A Human Being

But The Late Nights Didn't Hurt
And The Weed Wasn't The Worst
The Wagging Was Only Normal
and Then Came The Curse

I Believed I Had Good Friends
And I Had Trust In Nearly Every Male
But It All Ended That Horrible Night
Emotions And Trust Decided To Fail

He Was My Boyfriends Best Friend
And A Good Friend To Me
I Wish I Wasn't So Stupid
Then Different Things Would Be

But Sometimes Rape Happens
And You Just Have To Move On
You Gotta Keep Smiling
And Pretend Nothings wrong

Doesn't Matter About The Cutting
That You Just Cant Stop
Doesn't Matter About The Secret
That Seems To About Pop

And When The Secret Comes Out
The Counselors Still Don't Know
Really How Messed You Up
Mostly They Only See The Show

Doesn't Count Your Friends Are Gone
And You Cry At Every Sign
Every Little Thing Reminds You
Plays It All Back In Your Mind

You Lose All You Dreams
Their Not Important Anymore
Misery Is Your Life
The Future Has No Door

It Is Really That Important
That You Miss That Little Girl
The Innocence You Once Had
When You Actually Liked The World

Poetry Once Meant So Much
When It Was Happy And Free
Now Its Full Of Bloody Tears
That Means Nothing To Anyone Except Me

But Life Has Its Bad Turns
I Suppose I Just Dished Out
When God Handed Out Happiness
I Just Wasn't About

I Wasn't In Line For Smiles
I Missed The Faith And Trust Line
And For A Right To My Body
I Guess I Missed The Sign

How Did Life Start So Great
And Turn Out Just Like This
How Were Dreams So Clear
But Now Theres A Mist

How Is It I Could Look In A Mirror
And I Once Liked What I See
Now When I See My Reflection
I Wish So Much It Wasn't Me

How Did I Lose That Sparkle
The One Shining In My Eye
How Did I Once Wanna Live
And Now I All But Wanna Die

And How Did I Lose That Little Girl
After That Night And Beyond
And Why Now My Whole Pathetic Life
Seems Nothing But Wrong

And Why Did I Become Everything
That I Used To Resent And Hate
And Why Do I Keep On Smiling
When I'm Such A Horrible State

And Why When I See Myself
I Think Its Anyone But Me
Cause Everything I Am Now
Is What I Never Wanted To Be.....

If You've Ever Looked In The Mirror And Resented Yourself Well This Poem Comes From That Kind Of Place...Comment And Vote If Ya Want...Thank you


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