Three years have past, and I return
To this dreaded place
A place that not even I could
Think of, barely even cross it in my dreams.
For if I do cross it in my dreams, then it is no longer
A dream, but a nightmare. Much has
Changed since I left this cold, dank, miserable place.
All the yelling, and screaming, and fighting, and
Threats. Vanished. Mostly because people have
Changed, and their change has changed this place. Changed
This place into one full of unwanted memories,
But a place one must return to to feel at peace
With themselves.
There are traces of emotions galore all over the
Walls and the faces of old pictures. Mostly emotions
Of hate and mistrust and sorrow and guilt and self-pity.
Emotions that I have come to leave in the past and
Never want to experience to the extent I did three years
Ago. Yet, as I have returned to this place
I notice that it is not what it used to be. It is but a watermark
Of what it had once been. Just a shadow. A reminiscing fear.
Being here, in the present instead of the past
Helps realization settle in. reality of what has carved me
To be the person I am now. I wouldn’t be strong and selfless
And fearless and headstrong, if my past was anything
Different. Visiting it, gives me hope for the future. Lost hope,
For I know that history repeats itself, and my past will be
Someone’s present. But, there is still hope, hope for those that
Experience it will turn out fine. They wont be widdled down to
Nothingness as I had once been, shortly before leaving.
Questions still unanswered of how this could happen
And why. Questions that I yearn for the answer, but find
None in the shadows of the past. It’s just a painted picture,
It just shows you things, it doesn’t answer anything. But, you’ll
Find some of the secrets it possesses. The secrets are held
In every stroke and every different color. But because they are
Secrets, you have to look hard and reflect on the meaning of each
Hidden treasure.
To come back and visit after three years, has been
A struggle all of its own. Just to face what used to be
For me, is much harder than the actual experience, I
Believe. But through the reminiscing of the past you
See your future.
