ok the main thing u have to work on is ur stanzas and rhyming scheem, u cant use the same word to rhyme. like here "The girl that sits by the window,staring blankly at the sky.
No one knows her pain.
No one knows her sorrow.
Her longing to be free,to jump from the window and fly into the sky.
" with sky it makes u sound like an ammiture poet
This one is better than the other one, and I enjoyed this one because of the simple words used...it was a bit plain but still the meaning was deep and symbolic. For this one, work some more on the flow too, but otherwise I liked the idea and the poem. Keep writing,
well now i'm thinking of it I might of insulted you without meaning too, I said "you got some talent" i meant you got alot!! sorry thats just something said that came out wrong! newayz this is an awesome poem!! i loved it!! 5/5, keep up the awesome work!