Comments : A Seasons Lifetime

  • 12 years ago

    by Renee

    I love the idea of this. I think there are things that can be worked on, but overall it's very original and impressive. There are only a few things that I noticed that might have thrown off the flow though:

    in the Autumn stanza, you use two of the words twice. "book" and "look" are the only two words used at the end of all four sentences, I think it just deviates from the stanza because it makes the reader want to think of other lines that would work instead of using the two same words.

    Also, in the Winter stanza, the end line kind of sounds like something I would hear in a rap. I think it was a bad simile to use in this kind of poem, it's not as pure and beautiful as the rest of the words used. It kind of takes the classical-ness out of the poem.

    Those are the only things that popped out at me as I was reading. Other than that, it is a wonderful poem and the idea is fantastic.

  • 12 years ago

    by Trampled Angel

    Wow, the seasonal imagery and along with the idea of aging combined to make a well done poem. Your discriptions were done quite well. Great job hunny, this poem was a breath of fresh air.

    -Tainted Mikochan

  • 12 years ago

    by Josiah Larson

    This peome is diffrent from ones I have read before I like it and the way you used words in it! LIke tainted mikochan said Your discriptions were very well done!

    Well keep up the good work!

    Volunteer worker for FR&C

  • 12 years ago

    by Riffy

    I love the way you wrote this poem. You personified the seasons really cleverly and included a wide variety of synonyms.
    Keep it up,
    Riffy xxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Sondos

    I love this i think the context is incrediby difficult, it rhymes, its effective, the words are true and beautiful the vocabulary is excellent....(i could go on)

    All the Best