I think you should break it up everynow in then to improve the flow. Great imagery but it gets lost as the sentences are too close together. Interesting no doubt and as I said brilliant imagery. YOu just need to make it stand out more.
It was good. it had a good flow to it. you know like it came straight from your heart. And you have amazing work when it is from the heart. I loved it. But the only part that bothered me about it ( and this is just little non-important stuff) the stanzas were all the same amount of lines except two of them.
Enthralled by the sight
Of yourself, robbed of life
Vision giving no fright,
Of the hand with the knife.
*This was my favorite stanza. The diction you use here is amazing. I thought you did a wonderful job with this. It so full of deep emotions and pain. I LOVE the imagery you use here. It has both a sad and dark feel to it. Very sad poem, but I can relate. Keep it up hun. This was brillant ^.^ Nik*