Feeling the fade.

I wonder everyday, what oblivion is like.
I felt myself fade away once and liked it.
I drown out my demons with alcohol and screaming,
To keep from tearing myself apart.

I cant help myself and I cant help you.
Try as I might it wont work.
And I dont understand, why you hold my hand.
Then turn and leave me for dead.

I drown out today reliving yesterday,
I drown in an abyss of time.
I lament when I find I have passed this much time,
Without accomplishments.

I cant tell the difference, between sleep and staring
All I once knew is now gone.
I have become deaf but for sounds in my head.
Is life really worth all of this?