Comments : Intervention (Lonely Girl's Abused)

  • 11 years ago

    by Gem

    What a sad poem!
    This brought me to tears! (Which prompted my media teacher to ask me whats wrong and when i showed her the poem, she had to go to the toilets for a bit)
    You are so talented to be able to put this into a poem!

    "she felt she was a demon
    that she was her own ghost"

    The line that hit me most for some reason.
    What an upsetting but very well written poem!

  • 11 years ago

    by Ashleigh Skye

    Wow this is increadably sad.. I love it though, the painful betrayal of being hurt by someone you trust is horrible. I love the word choices. Thanx for sharing this peice of work with us.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Oh wow...this was heartbreaking.
    It reminded me of my poem I can't take it anymore.
    I think this was beautifully written, the imagery was astounding.

  • 11 years ago

    by Moose

    The poem was great, It was like instead of reading the poem, i was watching it in person...

    the only thing i have to sugest is probably re-reading it over and over, and trying to fix the little flaws that disrupt the poems motion. Sometimes poets try to make a rhyme, or make a point in their poem so bad that they disrupt the nice clean and easy-reading flow we all try to achieve.

    Other than that, i thought you got the message through great and I definitly enjoyed reading this poem.


  • 11 years ago

    by in.need.of.a.lucky.charm

    The rhyming was broken thru out the poem but i absolutely loved it. such a twist at the end, i thought he shot himself for a second! well done hun, another unique piece.
    Much Love And Many Kisses, Bex.

  • 11 years ago

    by Anonymous Angel

    wow so sad, its a very long poem but it didn't bored me, the rhyming was a little off at the end but futher more it very good 5/5
    kisses stephanie

  • 11 years ago

    by DeMoniC hYpNotiZeR

    Wow. i love your poem. its too much for words but it is the best poem ive ever read...... i thought the ending was kinda scarie...hmph! the dads such a meanie. im givin you a 5. peace dude.

  • 11 years ago

    by TwiztidJuggalette

    LoL..I Really liked this one too...It gave me the chills..!

  • 10 years ago

    by true secret emo

    Holy $h!+ this poem is amazing!

  • 10 years ago

    by she

    Oh this is really good, hit so close to home for me,luv the line:Her dad said she deserved it
    -- she started to believe
    that she was really a bad girl
    who needed to be beat.
    you have real talent.5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Troxden

    I do believe this is the one of the greatest poems i've ever read.
    It reminds me of the song concrete angel.
    Anyways, your a brilliant poet and story teller.
    Keep writing


  • 9 years ago

    by Scar Paperdoll

    It has an impact to my heart..
    a good sad poem..


    kip rockin'

  • 8 years ago

    by My Name Is Mouse

    Wow. That hurt. Alot. My father beats me and has since I was a kid. I'm a teenager now and struggling every day. He has tried to kill me several times. It hasn't happened yet but I'm never giving up. This really hurt. It has been added to my favourites. 5/5. Keep up the good work

  • 6 years ago

    by Katrina D

    I never get tired of reading your poems!! x

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    Wow, this is very very powerful.
    You write the story so well that it drew me in like I was a fly on the wall or even still the girl. My heart ached for her and for the many people that can relate to this.

    All the best, Em

    • 2 years ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      I honestly haven't read this poem in years! Thanks for checking out some of my older work :) There are all too many people in this world who can relate to this.

      Much love,

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    It's a pleasure :)

  • 2 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    WOW... Okay this made me cry a little. but its only because I felt like I was there with this girl. Through all the pain and silent suffering. Then the ending. Brilliant!

    • 2 years ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      I think the one mistake in this poem was giving away that she was going to die well before she actually did. There definitely is some polishing that could be used on this poem, but it is a tragic tale. The main fault of this case was the school, calling the parent before talking to the student. Thankfully these days any case is well-researched, but poor Lonely Girl was so dejected that even teacher's didn't believe her.

      Sorry to make you cry a little, but we all have a little bit of Lonely Girl in us. <3


  • 2 years ago

    by Marshall Lee


  • 1 year ago

    by mossgirl19

    This broke my heart completely...this is a cruel world. Fathers abusing and killing makes me so hopeless. You have told the tale so clearly in rhyme.

  • 11 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    This piece is so vivid and shocking that it sent cold shivers down my neck. It's a subject that people don't want to talk about because it's easier to pretend it doesn't happen. A sentiment very well captured here. Well done on putting it out there in a way that is honest and dramatic as real life is. It's something that should be dealt with severely before it's too late. Milly x