What a sad poem!
This brought me to tears! (Which prompted my media teacher to ask me whats wrong and when i showed her the poem, she had to go to the toilets for a bit)
You are so talented to be able to put this into a poem!
"she felt she was a demon
that she was her own ghost"
The line that hit me most for some reason.
What an upsetting but very well written poem!
Oh wow...this was heartbreaking.
It reminded me of my poem I can't take it anymore.
I think this was beautifully written, the imagery was astounding.
11 years ago
The poem was great, It was like instead of reading the poem, i was watching it in person...
the only thing i have to sugest is probably re-reading it over and over, and trying to fix the little flaws that disrupt the poems motion. Sometimes poets try to make a rhyme, or make a point in their poem so bad that they disrupt the nice clean and easy-reading flow we all try to achieve.
Other than that, i thought you got the message through great and I definitly enjoyed reading this poem.
The rhyming was broken thru out the poem but i absolutely loved it. such a twist at the end, i thought he shot himself for a second! well done hun, another unique piece.
Much Love And Many Kisses, Bex.
Wow. That hurt. Alot. My father beats me and has since I was a kid. I'm a teenager now and struggling every day. He has tried to kill me several times. It hasn't happened yet but I'm never giving up. This really hurt. It has been added to my favourites. 5/5. Keep up the good work
Wow, this is very very powerful.
You write the story so well that it drew me in like I was a fly on the wall or even still the girl. My heart ached for her and for the many people that can relate to this.
I think the one mistake in this poem was giving away that she was going to die well before she actually did. There definitely is some polishing that could be used on this poem, but it is a tragic tale. The main fault of this case was the school, calling the parent before talking to the student. Thankfully these days any case is well-researched, but poor Lonely Girl was so dejected that even teacher's didn't believe her.
Sorry to make you cry a little, but we all have a little bit of Lonely Girl in us. <3
This piece is so vivid and shocking that it sent cold shivers down my neck. It's a subject that people don't want to talk about because it's easier to pretend it doesn't happen. A sentiment very well captured here. Well done on putting it out there in a way that is honest and dramatic as real life is. It's something that should be dealt with severely before it's too late. Milly x