I loved this, you have a real talent for capturing imagery, and that's what I loved so much about this one.
I was thrown a little at the end as the last stanza was longer than the others, but apart from that, this was beautiful.
Hmmm... This one had me confused. Is it an internet relationship, or is she away, or is she dead... lol sorry. Maybe it's just because it's late and I've been here for hours. lmao. Good job all the same
The longer last stanza throws you off balance a bit - you're not quite sure how you're supposed to read it. I still really like the idea of this though, you put into words what everyone feels when their with the one they love. Great work. 4/5 but only because i got confused on the last stanza.
I honestly don't understand this rating I guess because you have so many votes it has become lower. To me this deserves a 5/5 simply for the way you have made this poem express your feelings. I'm sure amny people can relate to this poem I know I can and it has been a pleasure to read your poetry as your love poems hold such much warmth. A delicate poem. I can't say much more except well done. keep on writing so that I can keep on reading amazing poetry. ~Mel
Hey i love your poems they are so well written, YOU ARE GENIUS, and since your so good i was wondering if you could vote and comment on some of my poems, It would be greatly appreciated... Thx.... KEEP IT UP
"You are the light
That shines down on me
When I am sad
And when I'm not" ~wonderful line, in my own opinion. I love it =]
The thing I find in the poems that I have commented is that your poems are a bit choppy. I wish that they had more of a flow, that they seemed to just slip off of the tongue like water. Your poems are good, and the idea's good, but they way you present them seems to be a bit amaturish, not to be rude though, for I know you must put thought into them.
This poem was very choppy. I did try to enjoy it though, and I did.
It is a cute poem, and I love the little 'last-verser' you put in the end stating that this love is one person who is not in your present, but will be in your future. I love how it is only a hope and not an actuality.
Great job on this poem, but a little choppy.
I think it's a four.oh
Uffhh..that was amazing poem...:D..soo sweet....i know the feeling of how eager you are to meet that girl....i have sum1 who will come down in March and we'll be seein each other for the first time..yehey..
9 years ago
by Lets Keep it A Surprise
I liked the vivid images portrayed, and how it seems to reflect not only sadness but hope as well :)
The ending was completely unexpected. I really enjoyed that part. When I was reading it, it seemed as if the person in this poem was talking about someone that they had loved and lost not someone that they were waiting to meet. Well done I've never read a poem like that before very original and I really liked it.
I really enjoy this. I read it first as though they passed away, but then I realized it was "day we meet" not meet again. It has a smooth rhythm and is simple, but sweet and not childish.
A few minor things:
I wish it was* real
The photo of you
I wish you where* near
So I could touch your soft skin
'was' should technically be 'were', for grammatical purposes.
Was is past tense, which would mean " I wish this photo used to be real, but now it is real", whereas I think you mean "I wish that this photo would be real (now)"
Similarly, 'where' should be 'were'. Where is the location, were is the subjunctive of be (see above).