I Want You To Stay

Lying here waiting
Waiting for an end
I'm scared of not knowing
What God will next send

My life,
Well that's a story of its own
I spent so much time thinking of myself
And trying to pay off loans

This makes me curious
Was all my time a waste?
Did I throw all the good away
Or was at least some embraced?

I got into drugs way back
Fell into a deep hole
Now I sit here waiting
Will God take my soul?

I had sex before marriage
With a man I barely knew
Will I go to hell for this Lord?
Tell me, is it true?

My children were born out of wedlock
In fact, I haven't kept my word
To love one man forever
At the time it seemed absurd

I'd attended church at one time
But I got up and walked out
Why waste time with God?
There was still a serious doubt

I spiraled downward from there
I no longer cared about life
Because I gave up God
I opened my arms to strife

My bills went through the roof
I could no longer afford my house
My children complained of hunger
I was no longer considered a spouse

Life on my own without anyones help
I struggled to make ends meet
Now as I lay on my deathbed
I'm finally admitting defeat

Defeat over my troubles
Defeat over my sin
No longer wishing to return
To the way things have been

It has taken me so long
To admit that I was not strong enough
God was there the entire time
Reminding me that life was tough

On my deathbed
Cancer eating me away
I speak through my heart
"God, I want you to stay"