Comments : Too Far

  • 10 years ago

    by Kaila

    I liked the emotion coming behind this poem it was great nice job!

  • 10 years ago

    by SomewhereAmongThePieces

    This is real isn't it??
    yo this is advice, tell him what you said in your poem and if he still keep pushishing he's a sick b*astard and you need to move on and totally forget him.
    Great poem though, I like your rhyme scheme and your words were honest and real.

  • 10 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    Actually that was quite a brave poem. I prefer shorter writes, so I'd say the length is just fine.
    Ok suggestions...although it's ok in simple poems like this, sometimes creative language can aid a poems meaning - try a thesaurus.
    The rhyme in the second stanza is a pleonasm so maybe you could reword that.
    End of the first line of the fourth stanza, I think you meant "babies."
    I wish more teenagers would say just what this poem did in the first few stanzas. The reason for it, in the last stanza though, was quite heart breaking. But it is coming more frequent. I fear a relation of mine will be the same as she grows up.
    Dare I say this wasn't very cliche at all.
    Oh and you may use the fact you're a teenager as an excuse, but I'm a teenager too you know.
    Thanks for sharing.

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    That ending...wow...I thought it had great impact, it hit me hard.
    I thought this was beautifully written, the emotion behind the words are clear to see.
    The only thing I didn't like was how you rhymed far with far.:

    ''You see, I hate being forced.
    And you're forcing me too far.
    I hate the way you push,
    You're pushing me way too far.''

    Apart from that, you did an amazing job with this.

  • 10 years ago

    by Kaylee

    This is really good! i think u ended it right! amd u should tell him how u feel!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by in.need.of.a.lucky.charm

    Aww!!! does he know bout the rape? maybe you should tell him so he fully understands the situation. chin up huni!

    much love and many kisses,
    bex

  • 10 years ago

    by amoxi

    Wow this was a very powerful poem i thought it was great, it had some grammer issues but otherwise it was wonderfully written, i can relate to the last stanza i know what its like to be molested myself, and its terrible when a man pushes when u dont want to do anything they are horrible pigs,anyway it was an excellent poem, 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    "I want to have your babes,"

    lol! ok, i must admit, it made me look at it. I think you meant babies, which gives the poem a whole different meaning.
    Ithough you had meant all of the woman he cheated on you wanted so you can beat them up, at least until i read the next line lmao!

    *You want it, me, right now.*

    i would, for sake of the flow, take out *it,*

    last error:

    *pushing me too far.*

    again, for sake of the flow, i suggest you remove *me*

    Great poem. I, myself, was molested although at a younger age. This was well written and it hada beautiful flow.

    Well done!

    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 10 years ago

    by Delie

    I think the poem is really great, but you're right i think it should be continued...doesn't seem finished...mayb explain more indepth why you wanna wait til you're married...and that you really want to stay with him...ect

  • 10 years ago

    by Coeur Cassa Sage

    Speak the truth gurl!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Spoken Silence

    This flows very nicely..... good portrayal

  • 10 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    This kind of guys drive every girl crazy
    They are just selfish
    But you really made the points good
    Keep it up
    LAURA

  • 10 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    I thought the ending was great. This poem deals with a bunch of other people who go through this. Very wel done! It flowed very smoothly. It didn't seemed forced rhymed. Keep up the great work. God Bless 5/5
    <3Tayyy

  • 10 years ago

    by BeautifulDisaster

    I loved the emotion! there was a good flow going there too

  • 10 years ago

    by Dee

    I like the idea of the poem. i dont knowif its true or not but its a good story to write about. in the 2nd stanza u rhymed far with far which doesnt flow with the poem at all. the emotion didnt seem to be in the first part of the poem but it came out more towards the end. i think you should continue the poem and add alot more detail. but besides that, nice poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Kaila

    Wow I love this poem!! You did a wonderful job! I find myself thinking the same things sometime you did an excellent job!