Omg. awe ;/ So so sad. This was so full of emotion. Tears were brought to my eyes ;[ For a true story [I believe] you did amazing.. it flowed so well & the rhymes were good. Nothing seemd at all too forced.
In the little girl got, overwhelmed
^ I don't get that line.. Well, I think I do. I just don't think it's grammatically correct. maybe something like ''Then the little girl got overwhelmed'' or something like that?
This was a heartbreaking piece. I love the detail and description you used...I can picture it all happening in my head. Just one thing...I think the ending could've been a little different in wording maybe...I dunno it seemed to just stop quickly. Idk I can't really explain what I'm tryina say but it doesn't really matter. This was an amazing write all in all. I loved it. Keep writing! 5/5
Omg i can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through. what happened?? how did he die? that was what left you hanging at the end, like you have an idea that he's dead, but like you have no idea what happened. beautiful poem though, you kept my attention the entire time and wrote very nicely, good wording and flow. 5/5
Hey, Thanks for the comment on one of my poems. I love short poems, and i like to right them because it gets the reader to think about it more and question it, T.S. Eliot made a lot of short poems and they are amazing. Well thanks again