I am here in a country that doesn't know fear
Wishing my that my baby would still be here
Always and forever by my side
To have and to hold and in her i do confide
all my heart,mind and soul
But all i do is think about this into my water bowl
But in this hell i know I'm stuck
Especially when I hear the call "Snipers Up"
And while i get up to go do my job
My eyes fill with tears and I begin to sob
Why do I have to be here without her
When all the life around me disappears in a blurr
So now I cannot wait until I can pack my stuff..
But until then I'll wait for the call of "Snipers Up"
"To have and to hold and in her i do confide"
[To have and to hold, in her I do confide]
- And just drags the line out too much. It's better if you take it out and replace it with a comma. Gives it a lingering feeling instead of dragging it out.
"all my heart,mind and soul"
[all my heart, mind, and soul]
- I always say that if you're going to use commas in the lines then use them correctly. It's a group/list of things which is in calls for commas.
The poem made me smile. Not at your pain but the fact that you're strong enough to do your job without family and friends, no matter how much it hurts to be away from them. Kudos for that, darling. Lots of kudos.