Comments : Lies...

  • 10 years ago

    by Mimi

    I ttly kno where you're coming from...just stick it out & things will work out in the end. Good job on the poem

  • 10 years ago

    by Bryan

    Well this is a pretty good poem stepn, there are a few things you could fix but overall this is a good poem, i will give you some advice, dont put commas in the middle EX)

    When I open my mouth,
    things come out,

    this should be
    When I open my mouth
    things come out,

    but its still a 5/5!! keep up the good job, check out my newest poem and tell me if u like it!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Debbie

    "non of my lies exists" (sic) (= None is mispelled in the line.)

    Other than the technical errors, you've written another fine piece of poetry. Yes, I do believe adjusting [not only the end but also] the whole poem will make a tremendous difference.
    Loved it otherwise.
    Love,
    Debbie

  • 10 years ago

    by Kaitlyn

    I've read quite a few poems of yours, and i like them, the flow is well formed and its real easy vocab, so i understand what you are saying. I don't think having extreme vocab is the way to a masterpiece, or not enough vocab, just writing that is well-structured, heartfelt and easy to interpret, and you did that, so well done love.
    kaitlynx.

  • 10 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Great, you have done a wonderful job in this poem...... very unique word choice and great emotion.
    i have always said, you are truly talented. keep it up

  • 10 years ago

    by Atomic

    "Do you know what i see,
    when I close my eyes?
    Me trapped in a web of lies."

    Capitalize the "i", and perhaps fix the last line. I don't think it goes well with that stanza...it's the "Me" that ruined it.

    "When I open my mouth
    things come out,
    not the way they
    were meant to say."

    Again, it's the last line...'tis the "say" that ruined it.

    "I never planned any of this,
    none of my lies exists
    It wasn't meant to happen this way,
    Why wont you listen to what I have to say?"

    You suddenly decided to rhyme here, and that's not something I like in a poem.

    Not the rhyming, but mixing a poem with no rhymes with rhymes...and apparent ones at that.

    "I want to tell the truth,
    if we make a truce
    forget all that I said,
    Forget every tear that has been shed."

    The worst stanza in the whole poem, and I, as a reader, dislike poems that ends badly.

    Most definitely. Fix that.

    3/5

    ( )_( )
    (='.'=)
    (")-(") Arrivederci!

  • 10 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    If we make a truce
    ^Not very fond of this line. I think you should change that.
    Still, needs work on the flow bit shaky.

    It's a pain to hear lies from your friends. Very good friendship poem. Just keep up writing and you will get better as you write.
    God Bless 5/5
    <3Tay(^__^)

  • 10 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Hrmm very different and unique which I like. The flow was a bit off do to the way you worded somethings, however, it was meant to be like that with a pause, therefore it was ok. Overall great write with a unique style.

    Peace, Joe

  • 10 years ago

    by Teria

    I think it was a good poem, and the ending.. well, I didn't like the rhyming BUT I did like the lines, eh. You did another good write. Keep it up, hun.

  • 10 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Hey!...i guess this 1 is ur best till nw..i loved it!...didn't find many errors..lol....this is indeed a Great write frm u!...Well done!..
    Sure 5/5!
    xxPoojaxx

  • I liked this poem, but not my favorite. I think your message was a great one, Keep writing, it'll only make ya improve. =) 4/5
    ~Ally~

  • 10 years ago

    by Just That Guy

    Yes leave it like this. I really like this. I feel like i've lied to someone and am reaping the consequences. The poem doesn't need closure because closure comes from the other person forgiving.

  • 10 years ago

    by Teria

    I think you should leave it like this.
    I actually like it, and I have a way of doing poems for my contests that are held.. I think, since I like it but don't know what to say, that I'll do that with this one.

    Here it goes:
    Capitalization: -3/100
    Punctuation: -3/100
    Spelling: -0/100
    Flow:-0/100
    Like: -0/100
    Overall: Great poem!

    Poem: -6+2=96/100.

    ^ I divide 100 by 5 for the first 5 things graded, and the number of words used as a postive or negative thing at the end are added or taken away from the overall grade.
    And a 92 or up is a 5.
    so you have a 5/5
    Lol. :/

  • 10 years ago

    by Mezmeryz

    5/5 for definate. an honest poem. i like it..good flow and rhyme =] nice work. hmm i aint really sure if i feel there is something missing. maybe if you added more detail. explained the lie or something. otherwise, its quite nice and cute to me =]
    nuff luv xx

  • 10 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I liked it, it was honest which was good. There isnt much detail and emotion, which leaves it a little empty but a good poem none the less
    love Tara-Kay

  • 10 years ago

    by Tracy D Rollings

    Great poem, flow was good and wording was great ,few little nic's and nac's but over all great poem, all tho I would forget the tears I shed and make everything all better, if it happened once , twice you can bet it will happen again and again, great write , your friend Tracy dean 5/5 good luck sweetie

  • 10 years ago

    by Roses and lilys

    I think that this is a great poem and if fine just the way it is. I really liked it. Everything was great. I gave it a 5/5.

  • 10 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Uhm it was a good poem, I like your other poems more - sorry. Flow was good and again it was simple but straight to the point. good job!

  • 10 years ago

    by Mihaela

    That's a great poem....I have no words to express how much i hate lies...but you could do it...congratulations.Take good care of you.Best regards,XxXx

  • 10 years ago

    by Cotton Candy Clouds

    5/5 i like this poem and i think its fine just the way it is : ) i wouldnt change it