"non of my lies exists" (sic) (= None is mispelled in the line.)
Other than the technical errors, you've written another fine piece of poetry. Yes, I do believe adjusting [not only the end but also] the whole poem will make a tremendous difference.
Loved it otherwise.
I've read quite a few poems of yours, and i like them, the flow is well formed and its real easy vocab, so i understand what you are saying. I don't think having extreme vocab is the way to a masterpiece, or not enough vocab, just writing that is well-structured, heartfelt and easy to interpret, and you did that, so well done love.
Hrmm very different and unique which I like. The flow was a bit off do to the way you worded somethings, however, it was meant to be like that with a pause, therefore it was ok. Overall great write with a unique style.
I think you should leave it like this.
I actually like it, and I have a way of doing poems for my contests that are held.. I think, since I like it but don't know what to say, that I'll do that with this one.
Here it goes:
Overall: Great poem!
^ I divide 100 by 5 for the first 5 things graded, and the number of words used as a postive or negative thing at the end are added or taken away from the overall grade.
And a 92 or up is a 5.
so you have a 5/5
5/5 for definate. an honest poem. i like it..good flow and rhyme =] nice work. hmm i aint really sure if i feel there is something missing. maybe if you added more detail. explained the lie or something. otherwise, its quite nice and cute to me =]
nuff luv xx
10 years ago
by Tara Kay
I liked it, it was honest which was good. There isnt much detail and emotion, which leaves it a little empty but a good poem none the less
Great poem, flow was good and wording was great ,few little nic's and nac's but over all great poem, all tho I would forget the tears I shed and make everything all better, if it happened once , twice you can bet it will happen again and again, great write , your friend Tracy dean 5/5 good luck sweetie