I definitely love this poem . Like wow . I`m gonna keep going back to this poem, cuhs` I don`t know why, but it just really ... Wow . It could be because it brings me back to when I still believed in love .
to see your face again,"
I like that choice . 'Desperately craving .' I don`t see it used often, or at all for what I can remember, and it works (:
"I'm bare without you near.
I thirst to hold you again."
Same goes to that .
about what your thinking too.
It kills me deep inside,
I can't tell you I love you."
That stanza was the one that I fell in love with though . I could just totally relate to it , and it was so real . Beautifully written . Magical, sweets . I`m definitely checking in with you`r poetry more often now (:
This seemed like an average love poem to me; same overused subject base.
On the second line it should be "your."
I'm baffled though how you slipped up there but got it right in the rest of your poem lol.
The rhyme in the second stanza seems awkward, and maybe forced. It seems as if you're saying "you don't know when I'm going through pain" and I'm sorry but that sounds odd.
Hmm, it was sweet, but to be honest I'm not all that keen.
p.s. Sorry if you thought I weren't going to repay your comments. As far as I'm aware this is the first time I've come online to return comments...So I'm unsure what the other comment was. I've been busy lately, but I promise to comment on six of yours...it just may take some time.
I love the overall tone of frustration and hoplessness that flows throghout the entire piece. Very nice choice of rhyme pattern, it goes appropreatly with the short lines in the stanzas; sometimes the fewer words we use, the more we invite the mind to come to its own conclusion and use its own imagination. Very well written, if I do say so myself.
I think it's a cute poem. There are some parts where I can correlate with this piece, whereas I can't to the other part. Such as waiting for this person to do a move--ah, yes! I have been thoroughly annoyed about that..
Anyway, it's a good poem. It could be augmented in structure by showing more imagery, but like I said, it is fine the way it is now. Nice job.