A very cute poem... not much to say about it. Your words seem a little bit rushed but the flow seems smooth and well put together. It doesn't seem to have a foundation, but nonetheless it was very... unique.
I liked this poem, i found it to be quite sweet, your vocab was quite simple but worked well for a poem of this kind.I think it was a cute dedication to someone you obviously care alot for. I wasn't so keen on the last line i have no idea why but it seemed to go off flow just a little, thats my opinion though. Other then that i think u did a good job. good effot.~mel
Strong[[,]] warm hands grab at my back,
Two adjectives = comma.
First stanza was kind of forced.
I don't know if it's only to me.
I really dislike the word "lack" for some reason.
Second stanza? It's okay.
Just doesn't catch my eye.
Third stanza, first line
You talk about a feeling.
Second line, you're talking about an action.
It just kind of felt force.
5th? Great imagery.
Heads on shoulders, eyes shut tight,
while I lay with you, I always feel alright.
Everything was great until it hit that spot for some reason.
I don't know.
It just seems a bit cliched.
I don't like your ending.
But I believe it's quite true.
I can kind of feel for your character.
For example: I don't like your ending
Because it's not sweet enough.
Your character doesn't like it
Because it's not her fantasy.
I don't know.
I guess I DO kind of like it.
5/5 dearest :]
It indeed is a bittersweet write. Despite the fact that the lines were somewhat taut, its contents were rather delightful to read. The imagery you portrayed was fine...not sappy to say the least. X) Good work. ~Debbie
Wow!!...very cute work...lol..very sweret choice of words...simple yet had a great effect on the emotions it held...cute..though the flow was a tad off at some places...i did like the emotions it held..n lol...sweet dedication=)
First line should be, "passion does not lack"....the addition of "it" is unnecessary and makes the beginning awkward. Otherwise I enjoyed it. Watch the use of "and"...often it would sound better to leave it out after a comma. Anyways, the poem was touching, and I'm glad you are able to write for your friends.
I really cant imagine a young person like u had this great imagery for writing a poetry.. and u really have a great creation for expressing ur thoughts and feelings.. this one was very nice and i understand all the lines. but though there are some parts are make me off but still great for me at the last part.. great job5/5
Another well written piece with a distinct and solid flow. Just a suggestion: this rhyming couplet...
"Squeezing tightly around my middle,
I smile, and so do you, a little."
..I don't know. It seems a little 'forced', if you know what I mean. Even if you decide to take it out, the poem will stand strong as ever with the imagery still holding it nicely. But of course that is up to you. Other than that, very well done again :).