Comments : Dreams & reality

  • 11 years ago

    by Ike Dizzle

    This poem is great. Unlike mine, it had alot of feeling. But my poem was forced though it didn't come to me i tried to find it. But anyway great job 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Lye = lay

    A very cute poem... not much to say about it. Your words seem a little bit rushed but the flow seems smooth and well put together. It doesn't seem to have a foundation, but nonetheless it was very... unique.

    Good job,
    ~Stephen White

  • 11 years ago

    by christina

    I loved it!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Sasha

    Wow nice rhyming and rythem you have a talent for writting, I like the end when it says it was only a drea...i have a poem that kinda ends liek that on mine lol

  • 11 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I liked this poem, i found it to be quite sweet, your vocab was quite simple but worked well for a poem of this kind.I think it was a cute dedication to someone you obviously care alot for. I wasn't so keen on the last line i have no idea why but it seemed to go off flow just a little, thats my opinion though. Other then that i think u did a good job. good effot.~mel

  • 11 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Strong[[,]] warm hands grab at my back,
    Two adjectives = comma.
    First stanza was kind of forced.
    I don't know if it's only to me.
    I really dislike the word "lack" for some reason.
    Second stanza? It's okay.
    Just doesn't catch my eye.
    Third stanza, first line
    You talk about a feeling.
    Second line, you're talking about an action.
    It just kind of felt force.
    Fourth stanza?
    Perfect :]
    5th? Great imagery.
    Heads on shoulders, eyes shut tight,
    while I lay with you, I always feel alright.
    Everything was great until it hit that spot for some reason.
    I don't know.
    It just seems a bit cliched.
    I don't like your ending.
    But I believe it's quite true.
    I can kind of feel for your character.
    For example: I don't like your ending
    Because it's not sweet enough.
    Your character doesn't like it
    Because it's not her fantasy.
    I don't know.
    I guess I DO kind of like it.
    5/5 dearest :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Debbie

    It indeed is a bittersweet write. Despite the fact that the lines were somewhat taut, its contents were rather delightful to read. The imagery you portrayed was fine...not sappy to say the least. X) Good work. ~Debbie

  • 11 years ago

    by kolorful

    Nicely done, keep up the good work

  • 11 years ago

    by David

    Running in playing in my backyard.

    isn't it supposed to be runninng and playing...

    but this was a very nice and loving poem. i loved the second last stanza, when he gave up his jacket. now that owuld have been so sweet and romantic.

    5/5 David

  • 11 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Great job. some lines felt a little forced, other than that I really liked this peice, the flow was good, the word choice simple and effective, and the emtion deep. Great job 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Wow!!...very cute sweret choice of words...simple yet had a great effect on the emotions it held...cute..though the flow was a tad off at some places...i did like the emotions it held..n lol...sweet dedication=)

  • 11 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    Reality always seems to step in and take over just when dreams are at their best. One day your dreams of love will become reality, then what are you going to do for dreams lol Excellent job 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Roses and lilys

    Very nice and sweet poem. I loved the images you set free through the words you used. It was great. Another 5/5.

  • 11 years ago

    by moonlil

    Oh so beautiful! Great work.

  • 11 years ago

    by Corey

    First line should be, "passion does not lack"....the addition of "it" is unnecessary and makes the beginning awkward. Otherwise I enjoyed it. Watch the use of "and"...often it would sound better to leave it out after a comma. Anyways, the poem was touching, and I'm glad you are able to write for your friends.

  • 11 years ago

    by Sweet lig

    I really cant imagine a young person like u had this great imagery for writing a poetry.. and u really have a great creation for expressing ur thoughts and feelings.. this one was very nice and i understand all the lines. but though there are some parts are make me off but still great for me at the last part.. great job5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    Again fairly simple, but well expressed i dont think you forced the rhyme it just flows this way. I liked it a lot

    xxx alex xxx

  • 11 years ago

    by Fluffy

    Another well written piece with a distinct and solid flow. Just a suggestion: this rhyming couplet...

    "Squeezing tightly around my middle,
    I smile, and so do you, a little."

    ..I don't know. It seems a little 'forced', if you know what I mean. Even if you decide to take it out, the poem will stand strong as ever with the imagery still holding it nicely. But of course that is up to you. Other than that, very well done again :).

  • 11 years ago

    by Fsams

    To b honest it was good n i rated it 4/5. Ur descriptions r really nice.

  • 11 years ago

    by sarah

    Omg dis poems so great! i can reli relate to it alot! i luved the little twist at the end it helped show your feelings wel =)