Ok here we go, yes the emtion was dry without a shadow of doubt, The flow was good, and the word choice as usual amazing, the vocab the best as always, I really have to tell you that I admire the fact that you chose a subject virtually untouched. so this was diffrent and diffrent is good. the only thing that can be improved is the emtion, it needs to be stronger, but I am unsure what to suggest that will work, idk it is just an idea. still I have to give you 5/5 for all the effort you put into this. o
I think it's true what you said,
but none the less, it's a really great poem.
i like the way that it's story-like and i think that this topic has never been written about and it's totally unique and it's so cool :)
what made you write it, hun?
PM me :)
i love reading your work.
What a unique topic.
The poem was lacking in emotions, but I do not hold that against you. To put emotion into it would you not have to have that defect or know someone with it?.
Still I thought it was a good read.
Your time paid off and I applaud you for writting about a topic that I think has never been written on before.
What makes ur poem great is the different topic and i must say strange topics that you choose to write about, the topics you touch are so origenal and not alot of ppl read those in everyday reading.
you are an amazing writer so please keep it up.
and like always a 5/5 cause you truly deserve it.
Hey..this poem was a great write! i love poems with messages! and this poem has a really unique topic just like the baby...rare but still human right. i hated the mothers reaction...how can anyone not wanty their own baby? but the poem is true, its real, it could and probably has happened. sad. anyway, your poem has a perfect flow and i like your choice of words and its clear you spent time on this...keep up the great work 5/5 xx
Regardless of the seeming fact that the storyline lacks emotions and progression, I actually find nothing wrong if it was merely a narrative account. In fact, I take this piece as a prose poem. There were a few grammatical mistakes (e.g. Medics [state] baby is neither male nor female...), whereas I'd still give you my props for the effort that you've spent on this exceptional poem. It has an one-of-a-kind theme, I dare say. :)
Wow this is a very unique poem! I guess your research is worth it. Uhm I like the language use in the poem, choice of words is excellent as always.
Stating chromosomes XXXY the baby has,
The medics would all take turns to explain
That the baby she is holding is truly rare.
A baby that both organs it contains.
^ I like your imaginary in that stanza. Fantastic work! 5/5!
Uhm what I don't like about the poem is.. I think the ending is not enough. Maybe it's just me, sorry. but overall its still great :)
You put this under sad but i think this peom should go under life. everyone is different in a world where everyone tries to be the same. some people try to walk a different path from the others some start off walking it. i wish differce was accepted, and your epom really shows how cruel people can be.
the flow could use a little work, and your right it could use a little more emotion, but overall i thought it was good.
11 years ago
Ok i thought it was great. i have never heard of such a thing but it was still a great write, you must have researched for a while for that one. the flow was a little off so i gave you a 4/5 but still it was an excelent job
Even though this line makes sense "They will be there, infant they will protect." it is not written in the same way the rest of the poem is.. the poem is written in proper english and in this line the line is written reversed.. probably just because it rhymes.. it seems forced
also this line is written reversed as well "A baby that both organs it contains."
besides that the flow was fine but i didnt really enjoy it.. it wasnt an interesting topic in my opinion.. its sad but the end was so predictable..
also it doesnt matter that its story like.. poems can be anything written in verse
this poem is a 4 but i'll vote five anyway to up your rating
The doctors take a look at one another,
^ I think "take a" sounds strange. Maybe say "The doctors look sceptically at one another," or another word like that.
As mother uncovers the secret under the cloth;
^ It should be "the mother" unless "mother" is her name in which case it should be capitalized.
Confident that doctors made wrong conclusion.
^ It should be "the doctors" and "the wrong".
Stating chromosomes XXXY the baby has,
^ This line sounds weird to me. Maybe switch it round so it's "XXXY are the chromosomes the baby has,"
But mother could not help but stare in disgust.
^ Again, if "mother" is her name it should be capitalized, if not it should be "the mother".
Aw, wow. I really liked this. I thought it was amazing and incredibly unique. The flow was good and the descriptions worked well. You're right, it is a bit storylike but I like it like that. I love how you made the baby double gendered, that was a very original idea that I have not seen used in a poem before. Great job. 5/5
11 years ago
by Tara Kay
I liked how you researched what you wrote, it shows that your poems must be flawless. It didnt lack emotion, it would be nice to see this revised from the mother's point of view.
I thought it was very good
much love, Tara-Kay
I personally think there is a lot of emotion in this poem. The mother is soo proud to have this baby, and she already loves it. And then, she finds out that it isn't as perfect as it appears to be, and she grows disgusted with it, and that in itself could take the meaning of this poem even deeper. Humans are never satisfied. We don't realize that NOTHING is perfect and that when we strive for perfection, we are bound to fail, because perfection is impossible to attain. Did I go way off the handle with that??? Anyway, I really liked this poem!! 5/5